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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24676693">The Pink Strips</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocopieyj/pseuds/chocopieyj'>chocopieyj</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Feels, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:35:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24676693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocopieyj/pseuds/chocopieyj</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae and Jaebeom receive some shocking news.</p><p>Youngjae's a mess, Jaebeom fucks it up and Jinyoung saves the day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Posted also on AFF. I'm bored again so I'm just gonna copy+paste some things</p><p> </p><p>I think I do this cause I hope I can finish this reposting it so I can motivate myself xD And as I'm maybe moving here, why not?</p><p> </p><p>Originally planed out as just a one shot, posted yeaaaaars ago, rewrote and then it grew and I did nothing to stop it lol </p><p> </p><p>Don't expect a lot, here's just some mexican tv soaps basics xD</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s as if the thin, pink double line is smiling wickedly at him, mocking him and his very misfortune.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Everything started with some morning pukes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was normal, Youngjae had thought the first time, he and his boyfriend had seafood for dinner that night and the shrimp tasted funny, he was actually expecting to get sick as his fucker boyfriend forced him to eat - too expensive to throw it away.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But it got worse and worse every morning - he tried not to panic at first so he just overloaded himself with Alka Seltzer and Pepto-Bismol, that made him feel better during the day, but the next morning he woke up just as sick but he insisted he was perfectly fine though wake up ten mornings in a row straight to the toilet wasn’t normal at all.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Right then, he also began to feel a repudiation to a certain sweetish odors that were too strong for him but seemed nonexistent for others and that was when Jinyoung came up with the biggest stupidity that Youngjae had heard in his life - maybe he was pregnant. Everybody laugh it off, it was a joke and it was funny but the comment stuck in the back of his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And here he is, after sending his dinner from the night before down the drain, with a stupid pregnancy test between his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Only one line was negative; two vertical lines said positive.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But this can’t be possible. It can’t be true - he’s just a 20 years old stupid college student and his only concern in life is to get the highest score in Overwatch, he can’t be expecting a baby. He just can’t.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so not having a baby.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But he has six pregnancy tests over the sink, all of differents brands and all of them, with double pink lines, red stripes and blue plus signs, are telling him clearly he’s having one. The positive is so evil.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After a good five minutes of initial shock just watching himself in the mirror, he collapses on the white marble bathroom floor, almost hitting his head on the sink. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, fuck, fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was blank, slowly watching the world he has known until now falling apart suddenly, barely digesting the news.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He has been a big idiot, he really fucked it up big time.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What he’s supposed to do now? How is he going to tell this to his parents? They’re going to kill him painfully and then they’ll dance on his grave. His family never loved the idea of him leaving the college dorms a year ago to go live together with his boyfriend, and with this freaking joke, they’re going to be furious.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>How is he going to tell Jaebeom? Surely as soon as he hear the news, he’s going to leave. Jaebeom doesn’t want a baby, he wants to graduate and he’s only one semester away of getting his degree, he’s so close and he’s just starting an internship in a great company that Jaebeom loves. No, Youngjae can’t ruin that.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He needs a solution and he needs it fast. He has to get rid of the problem before grows and people, Jaebeom mainly, ends up noticing it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Baby, you’re here?" He hears a knock on the door and his boyfriend’s soft voice calling from outside.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah!” Youngjae jumps startled, “Just a second," he shouts from inside, standing up and quickly wiping the tears that have begun to leave his eyes, he hides the tests in some drawer he knows Jaebeom isn’t going to open anytime soon, later he’ll get rid of it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Hi," he smiles softly as he opens the door to meet Jaebeom in front of him with his arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Let me guess," Jaebeom gets closer, softening his expression and lightly touching Youngjae’s pink cheek with the back of his hand, "Throwing up again?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I told you, the seafood was spoiled," Youngjae complains, getting away from the touch, he needs to act well enough so that Jaebeom didn’t notice anything weird and he can’t do that if he’s being this nice around him. Youngjae’s a soft word away from crying, "That shrimp had some weird look on it."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs softly and follows him to the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his slim waist, unaware of Youngjae’s internal battle to keep himself together, "Do you realize it didn’t even have a head, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, it seems they want revenge for being eaten."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You really need to go to the doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Youngjae shouts suddenly, pulling away again from his boyfriend’s body, the idea of a doctor makes him anxious. The doctor would obviously know the only shrimp that made him sick is the one between Jaebeom's legs and he isn’t quite ready to make it official.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"No? Youngjae, you have woke up throwing up for the last two weeks."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m fine, babe. I swear!" Youngjae smiles hoping Jaebeom can’t notice the fakeness in it, "I think I’m getting better already."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not getting any better, you’re sick.” Jaebeom growls angrily, trying to make him turn around to see him in the eye, but with no avail, “Maybe you have a tapeworm or some shit like that! People die because of that, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae can’t help but laugh loudly at that, this guy is so dramatic but he might be kind of right - he got some worm after all, but slightly different to what Jaebeom is thinking of.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“God Jaebeom, you watch medical shows way too much,” the younger finally turns around and his smile is genuine this time, “I’m fine! Is just some food poisoning.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! The tapeworm is possible, okay?” Jaebeom rolls his eyes stubbornly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay. But that’s not the case.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be so sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually I…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you know what? I’m calling your mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae panics, one look and his mother is going to figure out everything, “What? No! Why? You don’t need to call her.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not fine Jae,” Jaebeom softens his voice tone getting closer to him, “If calling her is the only way to make you go to the hospital, I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not picking up, she hates you!” Youngjae shouts as a pathetic attempt to stop him, but Jaebeom just smirks.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She loves me,” he clarifies and Youngjae hates him instead, "She hates </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> for defy her and coming live with me when they said no."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay! You win, I’ll go," Youngjae gives up, he can’t deal with his parents and Jaebeom at the same time. No, he’s going to talk to his boyfriend first, "But you know how much I hate hospitals."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, please?” Jaebeom sighs softly, tangling his arms around the younger one, pressing his body in his arms, "At least go to the infirmary."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Youngjae hugs him back, burying his nose on Jaebeom’s neck but pushing him away a second after, grimacing in disgust, "What's that smell?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Jaebeom asked, nosing around but he can’t get any smell.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"That!" The younger points something on Jaebeom’s body when he gets closer and catches the nasty smell again, "Ugh, is so..."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What?!" Jaebeom smells his shirt but he doesn’t find anything weird, "It’s clean, smells like softener."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not your shirt," the other complains with the disgusted expression still on his face, "It’s you, you smell like…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t finish the sentence as he feels a frightful reflux and all he can do is press his lips together and cover his mouth with a hand, running to lock himself in the bathroom before causing an accident in the middle of the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Me?!" Jaebeom shouts offended, raising both arms slightly to smell his armpits, "I don’t have any smell, I’ve just taken a shower!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"It's the shitty soap," Youngjae growls coming out of the bathroom with a hand holding his stomach, after a few good minutes the vomiting reflex is gone but now he has stomachache and he thinks he’s not going to be able to eat anything.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What's wrong with it? You bought that soap because it’s some citrus thing."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I hate it now, it’s gross” he complains, pushing Jaebeom when he came closer to hug him again, “And you stay away!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Fine!” Jaebeom growls and goes sit on the couch all grumpy, frowning and crossing his arms tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Hyung, I'm sorry," Youngjae gets closer trying to ignore the smell and leaves a small peck over his lips, "It’s because of the nausea."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"That's why you need a damn doctor!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I know! I promise to give him a visit today, happy?" the younger replies, getting away from Jaebeom once again, feeling how the rest of his dinner is trying to go up his throat again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’ll be happy when you’re healthy! And I'm fucking late,” Jaebeom snaps standing up and although he’s still annoyed, he kisses Youngjae sweetly before leaving their shared apartment, “See you tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae sighs worriedly seeing his boyfriend walking out of there, unaware of how fucked up they are. They really have screwed up in every sense of the word and he has no idea how he’s going to tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He takes up his phone and sends a quick message to the only person in the world he can speak to right now, gently touching his belly with a frown. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a frozen day. Maybe it’ll start snowing anytime soon.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae has a lecture that morning and later that day, he’s supposed to be teaching piano lessons but he doesn’t feel like do either of it. What he does instead, is call his classmate and ask him to justify his absence and then he talks with his piano student’s mother at the Music Academy and cancels the lesson, saying that he was somewhat sick, something that it’s not entirely a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And after getting rid of his day activities, he goes to a cozy coffee shop, the one that it’s close to Jinyoung’s workplace, he orders a mocha frappuccino - he ignores the look the cashier gives him, it’s freezing but he can drink whatever he wants, and the box of a dozen chocolate donuts and sits at the farthest corner where nobody is going to bother him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>While waiting, he steels himself and looks for some information about his nine months problem, male pregnancy, morning sickness and some more, but half of an article about labor he cowers and stops reading, he can’t see that anymore. So he just starts playing a game until Jinyoung joins him not long after.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m on my break," he says, sitting at the table in front of Youngjae "What’s up?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello to you too, hyung," Youngjae rolls his eyes, getting another donut from the box, nibbling distressed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, I have to go back soon," Jinyoung opens donuts box, seeing that there’s only 4 left and stealing one, "Did you ate all this by yourself?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I was craving for it," the younger shrugs it off.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I can see that," Jinyoung tells with a sarcastic smile, "So? What’s the matter?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom hyung and I."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Are you two fighting again?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Not exactly, but I told him he stank and I think he got angry,"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"And I bet that’s a funny story but I really have to work, Jae" Jinyoung complains biting his donut, usually he doesn’t care if any of them want to tell him about their love life, but Jaebeom stinking it’s not an emergency as Youngjae had made it look, "I think your story can wait, I’m going now."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"We're having a baby," Youngjae blurts out when he sees Jinyoung’s really leaving, making him drop all his weight back into the chair, looking at him half surprised, half in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Who do you think?!” Youngjae exclaims quietly, he doesn’t want anyone hearing, “Me and Jaebeom.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What?!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm... you know..." he whispers with his head down, playing with his fingers in his lap just to not look at his hyung.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You what?!" Jinyoung shouts again, he can’t believe what his friend just told him but he knows, Youngjae would never joke about that. He looks too scared as to be kidding.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You were right about that," Youngjae laughs sadly and wrapps his stomach with his arms, looking up slowly to see Jinyoung’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I was just joking, oh god!" Jinyoung covers his mouth with his hand and then goes sit beside the younger, who looks ready to cry at any moment and he hugs him tightly, "Shit, Youngjae"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae says nothing and just suits on Jinyoung’s arms, breathing heavily as trying to hold back the tears before it began to spill down his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"How long have you been...?" Jinyoung asks when Youngjae has calmed down, slowly rubbing his back soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Youngjae looks up to see the older with a somewhat loss expression.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Pregnant," the other says in a whisper, as if he doesn’t want to trigger Youngjae into tears again but he needs to ask, "How long?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I… I don’t know…" it hadn’t occurred to Youngjae to think about that until then, he was busier feeling like shit, "I found out just today."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Well... when was the last time you two went for it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You’re kidding!" Youngjae laughs softly and Jinyoung’s a bit relieved that at least he’s not looking like crying anymore, "Yesterday? Hyung! We have sex like three times a day! I can’t know when I got pregnant."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Three times? Really?!" Jinyoung seems surprised for a second and Youngjae smirks, about to answer but he stops him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"No! I don’t wanna know!" the older fake shivers in disgust, he really doesn’t want to know his two best friends' </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> active business, "Did you see a doctor already?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No… I’m… I don’t want a doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You need a checkup” Jinyoung sighs because he just made Youngjae sad again, “You and the new baby…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae hugs Jinyoung again and shakes his head, he know he needs a doctor, is just he can’t do this by his own, “I got an appointment today, would you go with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Jinyoung frowns, “But what about Jaebeom? Isn’t it better if he goes with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom hyung, he… doesn’t know yet," Youngjae looks down, and Jinyoung feels how he’s shaking softly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Why? You have to tell him."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know but I… how could I?” The younger one is talking in whispers and this time he’s unable to hold his tears up and starts babbling, “We don’t need this, he just got the thing with the internship… I’ll ruin that! He’s… he’s the basketball team captain… I just can’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae..."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"He doesn’t need to know," he says as a final declaration but he bursts into tears "He’s going to get mad at me!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"He </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>be mad at you Youngjae, and definitely not because of this," Jinyoung tries to be understanding, squeezing him in the embrace, "Besides, this is his business too, you didn’t do it alone."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"If I tell him, he’ll leave me!" Youngjae finally lets out his biggest fear about Jaebeom, and now he’s unable to control his crying, "You know him, he’ll be so upset."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae, don’t cry please…” Jinyoung softly strokes his hair to make him relax and trying not to panic along with Youngjae and the way he’s crying, “I know Jaebeom tends to be a bit... explosive, but he needs to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae cries and Jinyoung waits for him to calm down, he knows this is a serious issue and they had got into a big deal but he has no idea what he can say to make it better and the situation doesn’t improve when people around starts to throwing them weird looks and Jinyoung’s getting nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Calm down, okay?" he whispers softly, "Jaebeom adores you! He’s unable to be angry at you, much less leave you."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you think so?" Youngjae sobs, finally trying to calm his breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m sure," Jinyoung gives him a napkin to clean his face, "You two will fix this together,"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae nods softly, breaking the hug to wipe his eyes and the tears still on his cheeks, smiling sadly to Jinyoung.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Let’s do this, I’m going to end my shift and then we can go to your appointment. Then…"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Then I have to talk with Jaebeom."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Jinyoung sighs heavily, helping Youngjae with his stuff to leave that place, "Then you have to tell him," he says with an apologetic grin on his face, hoping Jaebeom would do the right thing.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Youngjae and the fetus are perfectly fine, he’s around 13 or 14 weeks pregnant and the doctor said his bump is going to show up sooner than later.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They talked about the risks of an early male pregnancy and the things Youngjae has to do from now on to keep both of them healthy but until now, everything’s going alright so he doesn’t have to worry about anything, now that he’s going to have check ups regularly they’ll have all the pregnancy under control.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor also does an echography and they got to see the little thing that is his baby and it’s honestly amazing, Youngjae’s still scared and he still feels like a mess but seeing that warms something inside him. Jinyoung’s smiling brightly, he’s always been a sucker for babies and he looks so excited, it’s contagious so Youngjae ends up smiling too at seeing the baby’s face and little hands.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae is visibly more relaxed when the appointment is over, but as soon as they come closer to his apartment, he feels all nervous again at the thought of Jaebeom not knowing about this yet and scares the shit out of him to have to tell him, but Jinyoung makes him promise that he’d tell him that very night and it’s not like he has another choice anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Call me, okay?” When Jinyoung drops him off, he hugs him tightly, assuring him everything’s going to be alright and Youngjae nods, hoping he’s right.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae’s sitting on the couch and eating their last supply of chocolate ice cream right from the package just  waiting for Jaebeom to come home.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Jaebeom finally comes, he smiles when he sees his boyfriend stuffing a huge spoon of ice cream in his mouth and watching some tv show he’s not paying attention to.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, babe,” he greets him, sitting next to him and opens his mouth for Youngjae to give him some ice cream but as his boyfriend ignores him, he snatches the spoon and starts eating by himself.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I was eating that," Youngjae complains pouting, as he watches his ice cream being stolen away by his boyfriend, who just smirks sticking out his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey..." after a while when the ice cream’s already over, Youngjae takes a deep breath to start talking about their new problems, if he doesn’t say it now it’ll be more difficult to do it, though he doesn’t know where to start, "Do you love me?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles and hugs the boy's shoulders with his arm, "Of course yes Jae, I love you."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty sure, do you love me back?” he asks thinking is some kind of game Youngjae’s coming up with but instead of answering, Youngjae makes another question.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How sure you are? Like an 80%? Or a 50%?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom frowns slightly, that question is weird, “Jae, I’m sorry baby, is there something I forgot? Because I’m…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is nothing like that, just answer me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m 100% sure.” Jaebeom holds Youngjae’s face between his hands, forcing him to look at him, “I love you lots, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae sighs, “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, right?” Jaebeom’s whispering now, and gets closer to Youngjae to kiss him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles and deepens the kiss, taking Jaebeom by his neck and sticking out his tongue to go into Jaebeom mouth, who gladly parts his lips to welcome him. Their kiss isn’t rushed, nor urgent. They kiss slowly just for the pleasure to do so, enjoying the other’s warmth closer to their bodies.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They end up lying on the couch kissing lazily, Jaebeom’s on top of Youngjae stroking his thighs slowly and Youngjae has his hands inside Jaebeom’s shirt, caressing his skin lightly, but if that keeps going, they’re going to end up having some lazy sex and that can’t happen right now.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Now he needs to tell him about the pregnancy so he breaks the kiss and pushes Jaebeom so they’re sitting facing each other.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I… today I went to the doctor." the younger boy says out of nothing, looking down at his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"So? What did they said?" Jaebeom asks worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae shrugs, tightening his own fingers in his lap, nervous "He said I was fine."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I don’t think throwing up every morning is being fine" Jaebeom holds his face again, for him to look up.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, yeah... about that," the dark-haired boy puts a half smile, "That’s kind of normal, actually"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How that can be normal?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, there's something."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Something?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just this thing…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jae, you’re scaring me! What did they say?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You and I… we’re… amh," Youngjae breathes in deeply, ‘you can do this’ he tells to himself, it can’t be harder than to tell Jinyoung, so he lets go the truth go in a single breath, "I’m kind of pregnant."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Kind of what?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"We’re having a baby,” Youngjae says clearing his throat, is less difficult the second time he says it, “That’s why I’ve been sick, ailments of pregnancy or something."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae thought that Jaebeom was going to get angry, to curse or hit something, or be shocked like himself and shut himself in the bedroom, even leave the house or whatever but he laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs loudly, like he just heard the funniest joke ever and Youngjae can’t believe him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, you almost got me there," Jaebeom stands up still laughing and goes to the kitchen for some drink and when he returns Youngjae is in the exact same position on the couch. He has a dismayed look and his eyes are watering.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not a joke, Jaebeom. I’m pregnant.” he says seriously and Jaebeom breaks.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not.” he says trying to smile but he’s panicking, a terrified expression on his face, the same Youngjae had when he saw the tests, “It can’t be… are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae pulls out from the pocket of his jacket one of the positive tests he did that morning to show him. Jaebeom gets closer slowly and takes the test, looking fixedly at the double line.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But… this can be wrong, right?”Jaebeom tells him, his voice shaking, “Like a false positive or something like that, right? I mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have five more like that one, and the doctor confirmed it” the younger looks up, biting the inside of his cheek, “Isn’t enough to be sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I… yeah, I’m sorry,  It's just..." Jaebeom squats in front of Youngjae and takes his hands firmly, "What are we going to do now?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae can only shrug, and the feelings surpass him again, he can’t hold the tears and he starts apologizing over and over again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom panics a little more but standing up, he forces Youngjae to stand up too and hugs him tightly, kissing his head, "Calm down, don’t apologize baby,"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Youngjae sobs, hiding his face on Jaebeom’s neck, “I don’t know what to do…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The older sighs, thinking fast, "We can just...end it? I know someone who can help us and I can get some money…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What…?” Youngjae’s tears stop instantly and gets away from Jaebeom, “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know… just… interrump it before…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to kill it?!” Youngjae exclaims, widening his eyes in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No!”  Jaebeom takes his hands and strokes his skin slowly in a soothing motion, trying to make him understand, “That’s not it but… it’s not even alive, alright? It doesn’t exist yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alive, hyung!” Youngjae whispers, trying with all his might to not to cry again, “This thingy has a small heart, I heard it beating and…"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae, I know you're scared but…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m not doing that," the boy says it as an ultimatum, he’s sure of his words, "I won’t kill the baby!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a baby yet…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It is! It has little hands and… and legs!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom growls, losing his patience, "Then what? Are you going to keep it?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Youngjae exclaims but he hesitates a seconds after, "No... I just don’t want to do that."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, tell me what will happen then”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I don’t know, hyung!” Youngjae tries not to shout but he’s getting impatient too, “We’re supposed to figure it out together!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just gave you a solution already!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No that!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what, Youngjae?!” Jaebeom is shouting too.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I-don’t-know!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, you know what? Think about it, take your time," Jaebeom talks calmly suddenly and walks away picking his keys, “But don’t think I’ll be here waiting for you,”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"So you’re just leaving if I don’t decide right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving anyways! Do whatever you want, but don’t count on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs dryly by the way Jaebeom is acting, he never thought he’ll be this asshole, “This is your problem too, just so you know!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Actually, I can’t know that," Jaebeom smiles irritably, "Who assures me the kid you’re expecting is mine?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you insane?! You're my boyfriend, who else could it be?!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"How will I know that Youngjae? Think about it, you have to remember with whom you've been sleeping around,"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You're the only one I've slept with!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"That's what you say."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You're a fucking jerk!" Youngjae shouts, his cheeks flushed with pure fury.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"And you’re just stupid!” Jaebeom’s also enraged, his chin just popped out and he opens the door rudely, “I offered you a solution, you don’t want it? Then find another by yourself!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Fine, go away!" Youngjae yells and throws him the remote control, the first thing he sees, "We don’t need you!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Fine!" the older screams, slamming the door when he leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Jaebeom comes back, it’s almost 2am and he feels like the shittiets person in the world, the apartment is all dark he knows Youngjae’s not there, obviously, after what happened, he wouldn’t be waiting for him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He turns on the living room light and jumps scared, gasping at seeing Jinyoung sitting in the couch, looking at him as if he’s going to kill him at any moment now, his lips pursed and his arms so tightly crossed it seems like someone stick it with glue.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Jinyoung,” he says holding his chest, breathing in deeply.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you been dating Youngjae?” his friend asks, he’s speaking calmly but the deep tone on his voice shows how angry he is.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Since high school?” Jaebeom answers without looking at him, he know why he’s here and he doesn’t feel like fighting anymore, “You were there when it happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jinyoung says, standing up to get closer to Jaebeom, “And I think by now you know him all too well.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Great, so please enlighten me, why is he in my apartment crying the Pacific Ocean in tears?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom rolls his eyes, here’s the thing Jinyoung came for, “I know him but I can’t read his mind. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you don’t?” his best friend frowns angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No idea,”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung snorts, "What did you say to put him in that mood, Jaebeom?!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing! That must be his hormones, people cries because of everything while pregnant, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, do you think this is fucking funny?" Jinyoung slaps Jaebeom’s head strongly and this one shouts out painfully.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jinyoung?!" Jaebeom squeezes his fists and walks away from him, before he punches him too.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"That's for being an fucking asshole!" Jinyoung growls, crossing his arms over his chest again, "Do you really asked him to get an abortion? Wow, so brave of you. And when he said no, you basically told him he was a whore, nice Jaebeom, very nice" he clapped slowly, his hands right in Jaebeom’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"This isn’t your business Park, stay out of this!" Jaebeom pushes his hands away.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think he cheated on you?! That he got pregnant of another guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe?!” Jaebeom yells and his throat hurts, of course he doesn’t but he can’t stop, “Maybe he turned out to be a slut.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up, Im Jaebeom!” Jinyoung yells and his hometown dialect shows up, Jaebeom has known him almost all his life and he has never saw him this angry, “Don’t you dare call him that! He’s not a cheater and he fucking loves you!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom makes a pained face and turns away but Jinyoung’s not over yet, “I think this is for the best, though. You don’t deserve someone like Youngjae, he can do much better than a fucking jerk. I can’t believe he dated a fucker like you for so long.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jinyoung, shut up.” Jaebeom says but now he’s whispering, his voice is trembling and he hides his face on his hands, “Just shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His friend sighs, relaxing his tone too, “How can you say that shit about him? I thought you loved him?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do! Fuck!” Jaebeom yells but this time is not out of anger, he’s so frustrated with himself and tries to hold back the tears, “I fucking love him, alright? I know he’s nothing but loyal and loving, okay? But...”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae is scared! And you’s just make it worse," Jinyoung tries to control his tone, but he’s not having anything about this attitude, "All he needed was your support and you just ruined everything."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What did you want me to say then? ‘Okay sweetie, let's be parents’? Jinyoung I'm scared too! I know what I said it was fucking wrong! But I don’t know what else I can do!" The tears finally runs down his cheeks and Jaebeom collapses over the couch and he covers his face with his hands again, unable to stop the soft spasms that are shaking his body.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"All you have to do is be there with him," Jinyoung talks softly and puts a hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder, gently patting him, "Cool your mind and then go talk to him."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"And what am I going to say?" The other whispered, breathlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"An apology seems like a good choice"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I ruined your life?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Better an ‘I’m sorry I’m a jerk’...” Jinyoung makes his friend look up and he hands him something he just puts out of his pocket, “Maybe nothing is ruined yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Jaebeom asks but he doesn’t really need an answer, it’s like a black and white photo showing a thing with limbs and a big head.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s your baby,” Jinyoung can’t help but smile, he doesn’t even know when he got this fond of this little person he met that afternoon but god, he wants to hug it already.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My baby…” Jaebeom looks at the picture some more, and it’s so weird how his chest warms just looking at it and thinking about Youngjae and he himself doing this. Then he feels a cold chill running down his spine, how he could even have thought on suggesting something like what he did. “Oh, God…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to him, Jaebeom.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure he hates me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t, so talk with him until you have all this figured out and you’re going to support him. This also concerns you."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I know," Jaebeom looked up and his friend smiles pitiful before leaving the apartment. Jaebeom looks at the echography fixedly the rest of the night.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom didn’t have any sleep that night, and the next thing into the day it was to go Youngjae’s side.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a fast shower and heads to Jinyoung’s place, he’s so nervous and hopes that his boyfriend doesn’t hate him too much after all the things he said. He thought thoroughly all night long about everything, and regret is killing him. He knows Youngjae is the only thing that matters to him and everything’s going to be fine as long as they’re together. He can’t lose him for act like a selfish jerk.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung welcomes him with an eyes roll, and Jaebeom’s goes directly to his friend’s bed room. Youngjae’s fall asleep hugging his legs to his chest, his face might look peaceful but Jaebeom knows him well enough to guess he had a nightmare, probably because of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He leans over and kisses his cheek lightly, only a soft brush of lips against skin, but Youngjae opens his eyes instantly once he felt the tingle on his face and when he looks into his eyes, Jaebeom feels the world coming down on him. The always bright eyes are full of sadness and confusion, watery and red swollen from the crying.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Jaebeom whispers in his ear, but Youngjae gets up and sits on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” he says sadly and his voice breaks slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom kneels before him, looking at him, “I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday. That was all shit and you don’t imagine how sorry I am, Jae.” he takes a deep breath before adding, “You have all the right to shove me off, but let me tell you that I love you so much and the stupidest thing I can do is let you go. I can’t live without you, Youngjae, I have know this since high school. If you still don’t hate me too much, if you found in yourself to forgive me… please let me show you I mean it. I love you and I’m sorry. I’m going to do things right and never let you down for a second ever again. Please forgive me, love.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaebeom…”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“In all what you want, in whatever you decide, I'll be with you. I love you, Youngjae. I can’t..."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae pulls him up and makes him sit in the mattress next to him and Jaebeom hugs him tightly waiting for him to be ready to say something. After a minute or so, he feels Youngjae’s arms sliding around his waist, hugging him back and feeling his breathing against his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you'd never come, you asshole," Youngjae whispered softly and Jaebeom smiles relieved, feeling as if a thick brick is lifted off his chest and he can breath properly again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry baby,” he tells sinking his nose on Youngjae’s hair and the latter gently squeeze him on the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"At least you came," Youngjae’s voice sounds croaked and broken, as evidence that all he did last night is cry.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Forgive me, Jae! I'm sorry about what I said and I'm sorry I got us into this situation in the first place. It was all my fault." Jaebeom's voice is calming and sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course it was your fault," Youngjae complains, making a childish pout and his boyfriend smiles again. This pouting Youngjae means he’s been forgiven or almost there at least.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"And what will happen now?" the older asks after a while, getting serious.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae pushes him away and looks at his hands in his lap. "I've been thinking about it."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What about adoption? We can let the baby be with someone who will love him a lot and is going to give him everything it deserves!" Youngjae looks up at Jaebeom’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"That’s an option," Jaebeom smiles softly, caressing his boyfriend's hair gently, "If that’s what you really want to do, we can do some research on the topic."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae nods and looks down again, "What if I want the baby to stay?" he whispers fearfully.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom sighs, he knows that’s what Youngjae truly wants and maybe he wants that too, he takes Youngjae’s face in his hands and forces him to look at his eyes, "Then we’ll take good care of them. It will be difficult at first but we’ll do it fine."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Would you really agree?!" The younger exclaims, he wasn’t expecting that answer.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"If we’re together we can do anything, right?" Jaebeom replies with something he told him back in high school, at the early stages of their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae hugs him and Jaebeom feels him smile so he smiles too, "We can… think about it some more and see how it’s going for us..." Youngjae suggests with his face hidden in the other’s neck and Jaebeom nods, "You don’t smell like the citrus soap anymore."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, that one make you feel sick so I bought a new one. Why? Don’t you like this either?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I like this one," Youngjae pulls away and Jaebeom finally can see he’s wide smile.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you, Jae" Jaebeom approaches and kisses Youngjae’s nose slightly, "I love you so much," he repeats leaving a kiss on the corner of his mouth this time.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I know" YoungJae laughed, kissing his lips, "I love you too."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom hugs him, and suddenly he feels how much he missed Youngjae even when they were apart just single day. They kiss slowly and Jaebeom’s about to push him into the bed when they heard Jinyoung’s voice yelling.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Don’t think of doing anything dirty on my bed!"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Youngjae and Jaebeom pull away and smile at each other, a smile that soon turns into a raucous laugh. It’s not a funny situation, but laugh seems like the most natural escape both found to vent all the confused feelings they’re still feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When the laughter finally it’s over and they’re controlling their breathing, Jaebeom combs Youngjae’s bangs softly, "I love you," he says again, kissing his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Will we be fine?" Youngjae asked, hugging his waist and settling into his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course we’ll be," Jaebeom corresponds the embrace, "The three of us are going to be just right," he assures.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Youngjae has gotten big.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His belly has grown a lot the last four months and he feels about to burst - nobody expected him to grow this much, taking into account that the first months it wasn’t even noticeable, but his mother told him that sometimes, the babies ‘hide’, when no one knows about the pregnancy yet. Youngjae doesn't know whether to believe her or not, but he definitely started growing alarmingly fast after he and Jaebeom told their respective parents.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he’s huge, he can no longer fit his baby bump in any pants and he's still 2 damn more months left to give birth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Honestly, he’s fed up with pregnancy - he is swollen, he can't sleep, can't stop going to the bathroom and the baby kicks him as hard as if it wants to break his ribs all the time. Jaebeom says it’s dancing but to Youngjae isn’t fun at all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The only good thing about the whole thing is that he can eat as much as he wants, just when he wants it, Jaebeom takes care of that. Youngjae can wake up at 3am with a tremendous want to eat a ham and Nutella sandwich and Jaebeom will get up to make it, not surprised at all anymore by the weird and disgusting food mixes Youngjae comes up with.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And if he wants to eat a whipped cream and strawberries crepe in the middle of the afternoon, his boyfriend will go all over the city until he buys just what he wants. No matter what it is, at what time, Youngjae and the baby always have what they want even if Jaebeom had to cook it himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it's not just about the food, the truth is, Jaebeom’s amazing - he helps Youngjae do practically everything. He cooks for him, ties his laces, gives him foot massages after he comes home exhausted from school or from his part-time job, gently strokes his back until he manages to fall asleep, arranged his schedule so that he can take him everywhere and picks him up in his car, he sings to him sweetly (the baby also loves his voice), and he stays awake together with him when he can’t sleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae is sure, Jaebeom would be a great dad, that if they had decided to keep the baby.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They talked long and hard for a couple of weeks, they both know that they’re not ready for this and the economics of a student and a just graduated isn’t ideal to support a child. They don’t have time either - Youngjae barely has free time between college and the part-time job and Jaebeom equally, is too busy with the final semester and the internship.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They decide then, that it would be better for the baby to be with someone who has enough time to take care of it and financial solvency to give it everything necessary and, even when their parents told them (after all the scolding and the mixture of anger and initial disappointment), that they would support them morally if they decided to have it, they just choose to go for the adoption.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So then, when they were sure of what they would do, they began to document themselves especially about adoptions, investigated about foundations, foster homes and government agencies that were officially engaged in adoption procedures.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In their specific case, being a newborn, they have the opportunity to choose the adoptive parents of the baby from among those on the waiting list, already approved by the state adoption committee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their advisor recommended to wait a few months to start the interviews, in case they regret it, but as now Youngjae is close to turning 8 months and they haven't changed their minds yet, they think it's the right time to start getting to know the awaiting parents.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just today, they have their second interview. The first was a fiasco - Jaebeom simply didn’t have a good feeling about the couple they met and though Youngjae found them alright, his boyfriend flatly refused to let them be their child’s parents, giving as a reason a lot of ridiculous excuses.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So Youngjae hopes for their own good, that this interview goes much better and, hopefully, in a few hours they’ll have adoptive parents for the baby.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s almost an hour left for their appointment and maybe they should start getting ready, but neither of them are really willing to move.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae is too comfortable for the first time in what seems like centuries, sitting on the sofa with the fan right in front of him and Jaebeom, just like him, doesn’t feel like getting up - he’s lying with his head on his lap and he’s smiling, having a lot of fun making engine and brakes noises while playing with a Hot Wheels, using the belly circumference as a race track.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The baby seems to be having fun too, Youngjae can feel it kicking every time Jaebeom makes an u-turn with a dramatic sound, or pretends to fall off the cliff and Youngjae imagines it laughing excitedly inside him, as if it knew what Jaebeom is doing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We have to leave soon,” Youngjae says gently stroking his boyfriend's hair but he shakes his head, his gaze fixed on his belly when he spins the toy and keeps making noises with his throat, “Hyung… "</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom makes a face and looks at him from below, refusing, "We don't want to go."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jaeb..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older touches his belly and speaks to the baby tenderly, pouting, “We’re having fun, right? You don't want to go, do you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's amazing how Jaebeom's voice has so much power over the baby, Youngjae's heart always jumps in his chest with pure love when he feels it react to that voice, kicking every time he talks to it, it's almost as if they’re having a real conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to stay and play?” The baby delivers a strong kick right where Jaebeom has his hand and this one smiles, looking back at Youngjae, “See? It doesn't want to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jaebeom, the baby doesn't even know what you're saying."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older opens his mouth in an offended gesture, sitting up to softly cup the belly in his hands, “Did you hear that? He says you don't understand me! But you know, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The baby kicks again and Youngjae is suffering, but since his boyfriend can't feel the pain, he keeps talking to it and tickles his sides slightly, "Hi baby, hi baby, are you there?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smile Jaebeom sketches when the baby starts kicking like crazy everything it can reach inside Youngjae to let its dad know that, indeed, it is there, it's blinding, so beautiful and bright.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae loves that smile of course, but he's also worried because he knows Jaebeom is falling in love with that baby a bit too hard - too much for someone who is going to leave as soon as it's born.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung no, stop," Youngjae complains, grimacing in pain when some arm or foot fits into a rib, "It really hurts."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom looks at him a little worried but he’s laughing softly and comes to kiss his tummy and whispers, "Let's not hurt Dad, okay?" The baby moves but not as frantically as before and Youngjae rolls his eyes, how he manages to do that? He really hates him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry baby, are you alright?" He now addresses him, kissing his lips tenderly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Our appointment is in 40 minutes."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know," Jaebeom rolls his eyes, getting up from the couch and helping Youngjae to stand up too. He hugs him even though he no longer manages to glue Youngjae's entire body to his own as he likes, and kisses him again, this time deeper.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae pushes him after a good 5 minutes they get carried away in the kiss, they have to leave now, though all he wants now is to throw Jaebeom to the couch and ride him right there at that very moment, but he has to hold himself back. Today they have important things to do.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung, let's go."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The other sighs heavily, showing that he's somewhat annoyed by the fact but he no longer makes any comments, "Yes, let's get this done."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kim Jiho, the adoptive mother, is single and successful, she's the international sales manager of a large cosmetics company and, now that her professional life is where it should be, she wants to dedicate herself completely to her personal life - that's what her official record says.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae's sure with her there will be nothing the baby won't have, though it worries him a bit that maybe she'll neglect the baby because of her work but that's why they're there in the first place, they have to know her better and find out about her plans when the baby arrives.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as they enter the restaurant, the woman greets them with a radiant smile.  She's very pretty and elegant, wearing a black solid sheath dress with same color heels and sports a bright red lipstick.  She looks very young too, if Youngjae didn't know already she's in her forties, he would never have guessed her age correctly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy likes her instantly and smiles at her, but Jaebeom rolls his eyes as soon as he sees her waving her hand at them so Youngjae has to sink his elbow into his rib to make him return the greeting, which he reluctantly did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hello! You must be Youngjae and Jaebeom!” She tells them cheerfully when they are close enough, and she stands up to hug both boys sweetly, her hands shake slightly, she feels nervous evidently, “You're both beautiful, you look precious… thanks for agree to see me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hi!" Youngjae smiles back, looking at Jaebeom menacingly, but this one just greets her with a dry nod, "Mrs. Kim, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “Call me Jiho! I'm so happy to see you, sit down, please!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The three sit at the table and Jiho starts talking about how radiant Youngjae looks pregnant and encourages them to ask for whatever they want from the menu but Jaebeom keeps that expression of weariness on his face and Youngjae can't understand what's wrong. In fact, it was Jaebeom himself who chose Kim Jiho from the waiting list for an interview, so he can't imagine what he sees wrong with her now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don't know how grateful I am with you,” she tells them when the waiter leaves with the order of their meals, “You're giving me a golden opportunity.  I've been looking for this and when they told me there was an interested couple... "</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"But adoption wasn't your first choice, right?" Jaebeom interrupts her rudely, "What made you change your mind?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It's true, I tried in vitro fertilization three times but it wasn't successful. I decided on adoption when I realized it was my best option."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "So adoption is like your last resort?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jiho sighs, biting her lower lip nervously, "No, don't get me wrong... I don't take this lightly and it's not like I'm not going to love that baby just because it didn't come from me. I entered the adoption waiting list after the first in vitro, I did the other two because I thought it would be faster..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "I see," Jaebeom rolls his eyes and Youngjae kicks him under the table in warning but he's ignored, "And why do you want a baby so eagerly?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I've always wanted to have a baby, I got married and I was ready but… we could never conceive. It was difficult when we knew that we could never, but I told myself that I was fine and then I concentrated so much on my professional life that I ended up getting divorced and before I realized, I was already 42 and I was alone. Sometimes I regret not having considered other options before and trying to fill the emptiness with work. Because that void never went away. If you give me..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older snorts and interrupts her again, "Do you want a baby just to not feel alone?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, Youngjae kicks Jaebeom so hard that he grimaces in pain and looks at him somewhat angry but the younger is looking at the woman and smiles at her, "Ignore him. He's upset about nothing, it seems he's the one with the crazy hormones."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The woman laughs softly but still nervous and is grateful that Youngjae has intervened, even if it's only to ask her a question himself.  She's a busy woman and he wants to know how she will divide her time now that the baby's coming.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She explains that she'll take the puerperium, and then start with home office. She'll inevitably have meetings from time to time, but she already thought even about that, deciding that the meeting times will always be in the morning and she'll have a babysitter to help her, available 24 hours a day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae nods pleased, by the way she explains her plans, he feels that she has really been thinking every detail carefully to take care of the baby and that gives him confidence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Is there anything you want to ask us?" He says, Jaebeom's still sulking for no reason and doesn't seem willing to participate in the conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Both of you are students, right?” She asks and Youngjae nods, Jaebeom's majoring in Media Production and he's now an intern for a big producer company and Youngjae majors in music. He also hopes to work for a company like his boyfriend or a record label when he graduates.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And what happened? How did you end up pregnant?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom snorts, rolling his eyes, "We fucked."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jaebeom." The younger looks at him hard and the other shrugs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What? It's quite obvious, isn't it? ”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae rolls his eyes and gets up from the table, taking Jaebeom by the wrist, "Can you excuse us for a second?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without waiting for an answer, Youngjae drags his boyfriend out of the restaurant, looking at him between annoyed and worried. He knows something is happening and he doesn't want to tell him.  “Hyung what's wrong with you? Why are you being so shitty with her?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That question was stupid, what are she trying to tell us?" The older pouts involuntarily, trying to defend himself and though Youngjae thinks he's cute, it's not the time to fall for his charms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it was stupid but she's nervous. She just wants to please us, because she wants the baby. You didn't have to answer like that."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know Jae... I just don't like her, she's too..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Too what?" Youngjae softens his tone and takes his boyfriend's hand, stroking him lightly with his thumb, "We've been here 15 minutes, could you just give her a chance and end the interview in peace?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "Yes, I'm sorry is just..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "What?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Nothing... let's go inside."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung?” Youngjae stops him before he can go in, this time looking at him with absolute concern, “What's up? You're acting really weird.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm good, baby. I'm sorry,” Jaebeom kisses him tenderly and takes his hand to go back into the restaurant, “I'm going to behave, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, but if there's something wrong, you would tell me right?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, everything's fine," he says smiling and Youngjae sighs, he doesn't believe him but will give him the benefit of the doubt because he's tired and just wants to get this done and go back home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both return to the table and Jaebeom apologizes to her for have started the interview with the wrong foot. Jiho tells him it's fine and in turn apologizes for that question too - it's clearly a sensitive issue and they better start from scratch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, do you know what it will be?" she asks, unable to completely hide her emotion, fixing her eyes on Youngjae's belly for a second.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"No... we want it to be a surprise for the adoptive parents and we would ruin it if we knew," Jaebeom responds being quite kind this time and Youngjae squeezes his hand under the table, he can feel that something's not quite right yet but Jaebeom's doing an effort.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>During the rest of the meal, they keep talking about stuff related to the baby and other things about the boys, what they want to do when they graduate, about their friends, their family and their relationship. Jiho thinks is cute that they're still together after all those years and the problems that have happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And despite the incident at the beginning, the rest of the meal is very smooth. Youngjae likes Jiho a lot and he's hopeful that Jaebeom will like her too, so they could agree to see her again and maybe even choose her to be the adoptive mother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the dessert is over and Jiho offers to pay the bill, just before the boys leave, she suddenly tells them, "I'm willing to have an open adoption."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom and Youngjae look at each other briefly, the open adoption is about the biological parents having contact with the adoptive parents all the time, they could even have a relationship with the baby and be aware of everything when it grows up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"No." The older answers immediately, surprising Youngjae a little. They have never talked about it, they have always thought it would be a traditional adoption but if they are given the option and seeing how fond Jaebeom is of the baby, he doesn't see the reason why he refuses so quickly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He himself wants to think about it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We want a closed one, nothing more." Jaebeom answers dryly and his boyfriend feels the grip on his hand tighten.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Think about it, okay?” Jiho says smiling softly, she hugs Jaebeom and Youngjae and thanks them again for taking her into account, “You really are beautiful, I hope we'll see each other again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles and they both leave the restaurant hand in hand, Jaebeom is silent and once in the car, the younger breaks the ice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You really don't want to think about the open adoption?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "I don't want that."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> "Why? We could know...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom growls, shaking his head, “No Jae, I don't want to know anything about the baby when it leaves. That would be… it's just too much, Youngjae.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I like her, she's very nice."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, whatever."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung, are you really alright?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He just shrugs and Youngjae needs no more answer than that. He's not right and is thinking about something though Youngjae can't determine what, exactly. They keep quiet all the way to the apartment and once there, Youngjae lies down on the couch, he's getting tired even though it's barely past 5pm, he feels he can sleep non stop until the next morning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A while later Jaebeom sits in front of him, on the coffee table and looks at him affectionately, stroking his hair gently, "I love you so much, baby."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles, and closes his eyes enjoying the sensation of the older's fingers combing his hair, "I love you too."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Can we talk?" He asks and Youngjae makes an effort to open his eyes, he’s a second away to fall asleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Is it about what happened at the restaurant?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods and takes his hand tightly, the other boy gets up with difficulty, now it's hard to move with all the extra weight over his back, and he waits in silence until Jaebeom looks up and sighs deeply.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not that I don't like the parents we've seen, Kim Jiho is really kind but it's just... I don't want to give them the baby."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae sighs, trying to understand him - it's hard to trust someone enough to entrust them their own child, but no matter how good a person may be, that feeling wouldn't go away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They also have to understand that this baby is not theirs, it will belong to someone else.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It doesn't matter, we'll meet someone else, until we find someone we really like."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom shakes his head, “It's not that. I can't Youngjae. Now that we started with the interviews, I can't stop thinking that nobody could take better care of the baby than us, because it's ours. Maybe their lives are better suited to be parents than ours but really, could they love it like us? I can't give someone else the baby knowing that if I try hard enough, I could give it a good life too. I don't want to regret this, Jae.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As his boyfriend says nothing and looks at him with a mixture of pity and surprise, Jaebeom says what has been on his mind for the past few months, "I want our baby to stay with us."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae is speechless, it's evident that he’s already determined. At first he thought Jaebeom was just confused and unsure with all of this, he himself is, but they have already made a decision, Youngjae has spent weeks convincing himself that it's the best, this is what he wants for the baby, why does Jaebeom want to ruin the plans and bring feelings he doesn't want to have?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We had already talked about this."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know, baby. I know but...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We agreed on adoption, where are you going with this?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom blinks several times, as if trying to hold back his tears, “I just don't want to do it. I don't want our baby to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"But..." His voice breaks, he doesn't want to cry on the same subject again, "It's the best for the baby."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Listen to me, Jae," Jaebeom takes both of his hands in his and squeezes them tightly, "I know it has been very difficult, I know that it's not fair to ask you to think about it again and I will respect you if you want to go on with the adoption but I need you to know what I feel.  I love that baby, Youngjae, and I know we can take care of it as well as anyone. Perhaps it's the best if it stays with us."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And how are we going to take care of it? We barely have money for ourselves, we have eaten instant ramen two weeks in a row because we have no money for something else... a baby needs more than that, Jaebeom. You know our parents aren't going to give us a cent to sustain it. Our fault, our problem, remember? And I don't want to leave the baby at home either, being raised by a nanny or our parents, it would be no different than if we give it up for adoption."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I've thought about that too,” the older smiles at him somewhat more confident in what he will say and Youngjae raises his eyebrows, waiting for the explanation, “I’ll graduate shortly before the baby arrives, so I can get a part-time job sharing the time between that and the internship. We’ll have three sources of income, until your puerperium.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Is not enough."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Also at the company they just told me they’ll hire me full time when the internship is over. The pay is good Jae, we’ll afford to give the baby a good life and when you graduate, we’ll be better. We just have to adjust for a couple of months. We also have savings, we can use it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Are they going to hire you? Really?!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, they like what I have done this far and the Director wants me to stay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles surprised and hugs him, “Congratulations, hyung! I knew you’d make it, you’re amazing!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you, Jae. It's a good thing right? Don't you think it means something?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what about the time? I don't want the baby to grow up without us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We'll manage it, I swear we'll be fine. We’ll do well.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you think so?" Youngjae bites his lip, still uncertain, "I just don't know if..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just think about it, babe. I told you that I’ll respect your decision, but I wanted you to know what I want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae nods, kisses his boyfriend lightly and goes to lock himself in the room.  He’s thankful that Jaebeom understands the hint and doesn’t follow him, he needs to be alone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Throughout the pregnancy, once they decided on the adoption, he has mentalized and have struggled with himself not to become fond of the baby, not to love it too much or not to see it as theirs - it was not his, nor Jaebeom's, nor they would be a family.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But not feeling anything was difficult when he had seen it and feels it growing inside him, when he sees Jaebeom interacting with it or when suddenly they talk about the future including the baby in the plans.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps that has been the problem from the beginning, they have never demarcated from the baby and have included it in their daily lives as if nothing, without thinking about what will come next - it’ll be much more painful to let the baby go, Jaebeom doesn't even want to do that anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But, from the very beginning the adoption was Youngjae’s own choice, Jaebeom only agreed with his reasoning because it’s the best, the ‘easiest’ thing to do, they can’t take care of it as another person would. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How can he now retract only because keep the baby would be less painful for themselves, without thinking about its future life? That’s just very selfish.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He can't stop thinking that maybe Jaebeom may be right, maybe there are no better parents for their baby than themselves. They’re young, idiots and barely know what they’re doing, but it’s their child and it doesn't really matter if they are 20, 30 or 40, nobody’s born knowing how to be a father. They can also learn on the way, Jaebeom said it - if they try hard enough they can do it well.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But what if they can’t?  What will happen if they end up ruining the baby's life and theirs in the process, or if their relationship mess up to the point of no return? He doesn't want to lose Jaebeom, not because of this, or for anything, he wants to be with him forever.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sighs deeply, he knows that he is overthinking it, maybe he’s making this harder than it really is. The baby is something precious to him and Jaebeom, something they did well together, maybe it was the only thing he needs to think about.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn't know how long he has spent lost in his thoughts, but he assumes it's a long time when he hears Jaebeom going into the room without turning on the light, Youngjae hears him open and close drawers and in a couple of minutes he feels him lying beside him. The older hugs him from behind and caresses his belly softly, he whispers a soft “I love you,” and after a while, Youngjae knows he’s asleep, by the sound of his measured breathing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He stays awake for another long time, thinking, with Jaebeom's words in his mind, they can take care of the baby; the new job will give them enough; they can fit their schedules so that they can take care of it - they’ll just have pull out some hard work. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But a little voice at the background tells him that it’s not a good idea, that someone else is better fitted for the parents’ position than they are, they’re stupid and will ruin it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then he feels it, the baby moves so smoothly that it’s almost as if it caressed something inside him, it feels comforting and he knows that he wants this feeling to last forever - he, Jaebeom and the baby.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He turns with difficulty to face Jaebeom and sees him sleep for a few minutes. He has always loved his sleeping face, peaceful like this, his already attractive features turn beautiful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jaebeommie..." he calls almost in a whisper, moving his shoulder, but the older barely reacts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Uhmm..." Jaebeom growls half asleep, he moves around in the bed to hug him as close as the belly lets him and Youngjae descrys the clock on the nightstand, it's already 2 in the morning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Bummie hyung!" He calls him again, this time shaking him harder, until Jaebeom wakes up making a face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" He answers hoarsely but doesn't open his eyes and Youngjae moves his shoulder again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Babe... wake up!" And he no longer whispers, using his powerful voice to get his boyfriend's attention already.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What, Youngjae? What?” The other growls, takes his face in his hands and looks at him with wide eyes. The boy smiles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I want the baby to stay."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If there’s still a trace of sleep in Jaebeom, that wakes him up completely but he can barely process the information, "What?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Our baby... I also want it to be with us."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And when he’s sure he heard correctly, he smiles enormously and hugs Youngjae tightly, "Really?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You're right, I think I can't… I don't want to just give our baby to anyone,” the boy hugs him back, and sinks his face into his boyfriend's neck, it's an awkward position and they can't even hug comfortably because the belly hinders them, but it feels good. They are together, it’s the only thing that matters.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We're going to be fine Jae," Jaebeom whispers, leaving a soft kiss on his neck, "I promise."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"While we're together, right?" Youngjae says looking into his eyes, the eyes he has loved for years and will keep loving forever.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles, kissing him softly, starting to caress his belly - the baby moves slightly inside, "Yes, while we're together."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Because together, nothing could go wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pizza’s here!” Jaebeom shouts when he enters the apartment but immediately frowns when he sees Youngjae lying on a mat in the middle of the living room, watching some prenatal yoga exercises but with no will to move even an inch, “And as why aren’t you doing anything?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae shrugs, he’s tired and hungry but Jaebeom has been forcing him to do yoga one hour a day, of course, as he’s not the one who has to carry 20 extra pounds on his back while trying to keep one leg in the air, he doesn’t care.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Can we just eat now?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Not until you're done with that," Jaebeom puts the pizza in the kitchen, far away from him and Youngjae growls. He doesn’t want to make any kind of effort at all and doesn’t understand his boyfriend's obsession with making him exercising - he keeps buying all the crap he can think of to eat so he doesn't see anything wrong with skipping yoga just one single day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung no..." the younger complains when Jaebeom tries to make him move, and uses his full weight to stop him - a good thing about pregnancy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jae, it's just one hour, I thought you liked the yoga?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae huffs, “I do like it, but we’re tired. Just today, please?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom sighs heavily, he hates when Youngjae speaks in the plural because that includes the baby and he can't win against that - over the years he had learned to resist Youngjae a little tiny bit, but he can't help being weak when it comes to spoiling his two favorite people ever. It's not fair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, but just today!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles and pulls Jaebeom by the hand to lie with him, which he does without putting resistance. They have set up the living room floor as a makeshift bed and have been sleeping there since Youngjae discovered that it’s more comfortable there than their mattress.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy tries to lie over his side to rest his head on his boyfriend's chest and Jaebeom strokes his hair, is comfortable and nice, they stay like that for a while in silence until Youngjae speaks first, “Did you see what Jinyoung hyung just bought us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"More jumpsuits?" Jaebeom rolls his eyes, but smiles affectionately.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His friend has bought things as if the baby was his, from the moment he knew it would stay. Panic purchases, he said, there are less than two months left before the baby arrives and they had nothing prepared, so Jinyoung is in charge of starting to buy the basics. Though everything gets out of control and now he buys everything he sees and he thinks is cute.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Youngjae makes an effort to get up and soon returns from the room, showing him two jumpsuits and Jaebeom smiles immediately to see it, one is blue and has a pattern of baby otters in pajamas.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It's cute! It looks like you."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what Jinyoung said! And this is in case the baby looks like you!” He announces, showing him the other jumpsuit, this is a gray one with lots of painted sleeping kittens.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I think our child will be able to wear clothes for a whole year without repeating," Jaebeom rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, showing how much he likes the clothes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Despite everything, it will be a lucky baby, right?" The boy asks, lying back on the floor and Jaebeom lies on his side to look at him, puts a hand over the belly and smiles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Jae, we’ll make its life the best. It also has a lot of people who already loves it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Youngjae smiles softly and takes Jaebeom's hand, starts playing with his fingers. Jaebeom knows that he’s still not sure that the best decision has been to keep the baby, this is what he wants but he doesn’t know if they can. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But they will.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We'll be fine," Jaebeom smiles reassuringly and Youngjae sighs deeply before returning the smile and approaches to kiss him softly, he can feel Jaebeom's smile over his lips for a moment and then, he deepens the kiss.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They kiss deeply but gently, slowly, just enjoying each other, the moment they are happily together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One of Youngjae’s hand goes up to Jaebeom's neck and with the other he takes him by the arm, trying to put him on top of him. The older one curves his back so as not to lay the entire weight of his body on the belly, holding himself with his arms and bends slightly to keep kissing him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon the kiss becomes more needy and leaves them breathless, Youngjae's hands sneak under his boyfriend's shirt and go up his back, touching his skin superficially with the fingertips, making Jaebeom tremble expectantly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Babe..." Jaebeom sighs when Youngjae's fingers starts caressing his abdomen and chest too, touching his nipples too softly like he doesn’t want to, and just leaves him wanting more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs and pushes him gently, "The baby thinks you’re talking to it," and puts Jaebeom's hand on his belly to prove his point, Jaebeom feels the baby kick under his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Oops, no, I'm sorry," he bends to talk to the baby bump in a whisper, "Adults are going to have a serious talk, you stay still."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” Youngjae punches his shoulder playfully and Jaebeom shrugs, taking off his shirt so his boyfriend can freely touch him and approaches to kiss him once more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time they don't stop, Youngjae hugs Jaebeom and his hands travels through his upper body first with light touches, but when Jaebeom starts nibbling his neck he can't help but scratching him superficially.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom loves the marks his boyfriend leaves on his body whenever they do it, the scratches and bites that end up adorning his skin and that sometimes burn or hurt, give him a sense of belonging. He belongs to Youngjae, that's how it is.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So he keeps kissing his neck and collarbones, just at the right points that he knows will make Youngjae start moaning his name and his nails dig deeper into his back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae's hands swiftly open the button and the zipper of his jeans, he doesn't wait a second to put his hand into his boxers to stimulate his already semi-erect manhood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His boyfriend’s cold fingers feel so good wrapping his hot length, Youngjae knows exactly what to do, the way he moves his hand, squeezing the tip with his thumb and adding the right amount of pressure on the base, it hardens completely in seconds.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Babe, take off your clothes," Youngjae orders in a gasp and Jaebeom is more than happy to fulfill his wishes, pulling away from him and gets up to give him a show.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy bites his lip while looking closely at every corner of Jaebeom's body. He knows everything there’s to see, every muscle, every line, every hair on his flawless skin and yet he gets hot seeing him, as if it was the first time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Like what you see?" Jaebeom teases him as he always does when he catches him eating him with his eyes. Youngjae just nods, his gaze darkens at seeing him like this and he feels that his own clothes start to get in the way too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily, Jaebeom’s on the same page and kneels in front of him, pulling his sports pants along with his underwear down to get rid of that, "I like you more without clothes, too," he says with a stupid smirk as he takes off his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once naked, Jaebeom runs his eyes all over his body and notices how Youngjae blushes. He knows that Youngjae doesn't like to be looked at like that since his belly began to grow, but before pregnancy he loved being watched.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He tortured Jaebeom with striptease scenes and touched himself for him to observe. Just see, don't touch. And it drove him crazy. Now instead, whenever they do it, he rather not have Jaebeom looking, though Jaebeom can’t understand it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He can't see anything that Youngjae claims is wrong. He sees no stretch marks, no ugly spots in his skin, no overweight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He just sees Youngjae, beautiful, all flushed and pretty, sees the person he has loved since he was 17 and that will be the only one he’ll love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, honestly, he can see some extra flesh, his butt looks fucking delicious and he doesn’t want those meaty thighs to ever leave. He loves it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung," Youngjae gasps, pulling him out of his self-absorption and gently pushes him with his leg.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit, Jae," he says, sticking his lips to those fleshy and irresistible thighs, "You're beautiful."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae whispers a 'shut up', but he’s ignored since now Jaebeom is busy sucking marks on his legs, nibbling the skin and kneading the flesh on his thighs with his hands, hands that soon come down and squeeze his ass tightly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I wanna suck you off," the younger one whines, and pushes his boyfriend to stop him from biting his legs, "Sit on the couch."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom does as he asks immediately and gets comfortable, spreading his legs so that Youngjae kneels between them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy knows that he can’t, nor does he want, to keep that position for a long time, so it doesn’t take long to swallow the hardness, putting it in to the deep of his throat, feeling how Jaebeom trembles, and tenses the muscles of his legs when he starts the swing from top to bottom, sucking hard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah baby, like that," Jaebeom groans and one of his hands closes in the boy's hair, he can't help but push his hip into his throat, his eyes go blank when Youngjae takes it all and moans around him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If he could, Youngjae would be smiling, he looks up and see his boyfriend with his head back, all tense, and panting incoherently without stopping. He knows that not much time is left to make him cum, but he doesn't want it to end yet so, with a deep suction, he puts it out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom shudders and lets out a groan of dissatisfaction, Youngjae caresses his thighs gently and waits for the older’ reaction that doesn’t take long in coming. He sees him with a dark look and takes his face with one hand, squeezing his cheeks tightly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I want you in four, baby," he orders and Youngjae turns around immediately, supporting all his weight on his knees and elbows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Like this, Jaebeom has the access he doesn’t have when Youngjae is on his face up, but he knows that being this way isn’t very comfortable for his back either so he rushes, spreading his buttocks and putting his tongue to work immediately.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy gasps and pushes his body against his face, Jaebeom hits his thigh so that he stays still while he licks his entrance, first only by delineating the edge with the tip of his tongue and then sucking it into his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung... please," Youngjae whines, though he doesn't even know what he’s asking for, but his boyfriend knows exactly what he wants and starts to put his tongue into his passage gently, the touch is barely there but it makes him shake.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom squeezes his ass’ flesh and one of his hands catches his manhood and starts to jerk him off at the rate that he moves his tongue inside Youngjae, with smooth but precise movements.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae soon becomes a mess of moans, he feels he won't last much longer, "Stop, hyung, wait."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older one pulls away from him and Youngjae turns around to lie on his back, breathing heavily and closes his eyes, but he has no time to recover because Jaebeom’s already between his legs, moving his hip against his to grind both hardness together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They both are gasping, Youngjae draws Jaebeom to kiss him messily - their tongues barely give them room to breathe, their teeth collide and saliva runs through the corners of their lips. It's not a pretty kiss, but it doesn't matter, they need each other. Jaebeom's hands caress his legs and Youngjae in turn, touches his broad shoulders, and the slight sting that his nails cause against his skin pleases Jaebeom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Babe," Jaebeom says in barely a breath, choking a groan when Youngjae licks his neck, "Baby, can we...?" He asks doubtfully, sneaking one of his fingers between his buttocks to caress his rim.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae groans, trapping his lower lip between his teeth and nods frantically. He wants to feel his boyfriend inside him so badly that even the question it’s silly, but Jaebeom has to be sure that they can go all the way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you sure?" He asks again, this time stopping all his moves and looking at him seriously. He doesn't want him to answer in the heat of the moment. They've stopped doing it because Youngjae’s back is been hurting a lot and he doesn't want to hurt him or cause him more pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae caresses his face and nods gently, "Carefully."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Very slowly," Jaebeom whispers and kisses him softly, goes to the room for the lube and returns to his side in record time, putting a generous amount of lube on his fingers to start working Youngjae.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, as requested, he puts in and pulls his fingers out to stretch him, gently stroking his walls and Youngjae’s losing it. His breathing shakes and his body sucks Jaebeom's fingers inward, he wants more of him than that simple touch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily, Jaebeom already knows how to read him perfectly and doesn’t make him wait, he takes out his digits and lubes his hard cock, that is starting to ache from such little attention it has received, "Lie on your side, baby."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae turns, feeling the pressure of his back decrease markedly and sighs heavily, grateful for the much needed friction when Jaebeom enters him and begins a slow but accurate move with his hip.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae lifts his leg, putting it over Jaebeom’s hip, giving him a deeper reach inside and feels the tip of his manhood gently hitting the right spot and the younger whines frustrated, he needs more than that, "Faster..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older one back hugs Youngjae, one of his hands fiddles with his nipples and with the other he’s jerking him off, but he keeps his rhythmic and slow movements, gently brushing his walls, his own breath is shaken at the feeling of the rim closing around him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hyung, more..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, baby. It feels good like this, you’re so tight for me,” Jaebeom whispers in a raspy voice, keeps up with the same rhythm and is driving Youngjae crazy, carefully it doesn't mean slow in his language but apparently it does in Jaebeom's.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he really makes it slow, his moves barely hasten and Youngjae knows that he’s as frustrated as him, feeling his teeth fit tightly onto his shoulder and choking guttural groans as he restrains himself. The younger curves his back slightly and moves his hip, but decides not to break with the gentle sway that Jaebeom has and, just like that, accompanies him with slight moves too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They don't usually do it that way but it feels good, his orgasm build up in his lower belly slowly and although it feels like an endless torture, when it finally comes it’s intense, his body trembles from head to toe and all the accumulated tension escapes from their body in the form of seed. Jaebeom cums inside him seconds later, leaving a few scratch marks on his thigh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stay in that position while they recover their breath and Jaebeom starts to caress his body tenderly, his legs, belly and arms until he reaches his hands, where he spends a good time playing with his fingers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you know I love your hands?" He says in a whisper, placing a kiss on his back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs, "I know that."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"But they’re not perfect yet."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you," the boy says sarcastically, trying to turn around but Jaebeom forces him to stay in that same position.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I feel like something is missing," he says as if nothing, "Like a ring."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I literally use a ring on each finger, hyung."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear that sometimes you can be really dense,” Jaebeom sighs wearily, rolling his eyes, “I mean another kind of ring. One more sophisticated and pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You say my rings are cheap?! This one was hard for me to get,” he says, moving a finger with a black and silver ring. It’s a Bvlgari and Jaebeom’s very aware of how much it cost, he himself tried to persuade him that he didn't need something so expensive, he obviously doesn’t mean that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"A special ring, one that, when people see you with it, they would know."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Know what?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That you are Im Jaebeom's fiance."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And finally Youngjae realizes what Jaebeom has been trying to tell him, his heart swells so much that it barely fits in his chest, and this time he turns around to face Jaebeom, "What?!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older boy seems nervous, he looks down for a second and breathes in deeply but when he looks back at Youngjae, ready to ask, he’s ahead of him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Will you marry me?" Youngjae asks looking at him expectantly and Jaebeom releases the air he still had in his lungs, a smile between relieved and delighted is painted on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck yes, Jae," he says and laughs loudly, that hasn't been as he had planned at all, but nothing with Youngjae was predictable, he's already used to it, "Only if you say yes when I give you the ring."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I will,” The boy replies smiling too, even if he never heard the question, but it doesn't really matter. He wants Jaebeom in his life and he’s happy that Jaebeom is on the same page as him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I love you," Jaebeom whispers, as if it was a secret and kisses his boyfriend's cheek in a tender gesture.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles softly, kissing his lips, "I love you," and he can't believe how happy he feels.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The day arrives a couple of weeks earlier than expected, Youngjae’s home alone and tries not to panic when he feels the first contractions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He waits a few hours, maybe it's some false alarm but it isn't, it just get more frequent and more painful, he inhales deeply and calls Jaebeom, repeating in his mind that it’ll be fine, they took a course for this, he knows how it’s supposed to feel and what will come next. He's ready, he just wishes his boyfriend was with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Jaebeom doesn’t answer, he calls Jinyoung and tries to keep calm, he tends to make stories in his head when he’s under a lot of pressure and starts to imagine the worst, but surely Jaebeom’s okay, only very busy and that’s why he’s not answering, not that something terrible has happened to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes?" Jinyoung answer to the sixth ring and Youngjae releases his pent up breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung, hi! Jaebeom hyung isn’t answering and…” he stops mid sentence, feels another contraction and this one is more painful than the previous one and though he tries not to make any sound, Jinyoung manages to hear that gasp he tried to hide.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jae, are you alright?" He says and it seems he’s a bit panicked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, hyung…” Youngjae stops again in the middle of the sentence, closes his eyes tightly and waits for it to go away, “I think the baby is coming already.” He announces without further ado and hears Jinyoung curse on the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going for you! Try to call Jaebeom again and breathe, remember all that crap about breathing you learned in prenatals.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung? Don’t hang on me."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I'm on my way, okay? Are you breathing? I don't hear you breathe.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs softly, "I'm breathing, I'm fine hyung, just... hurry up."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinyoung stays on the phone all the time, telling him things to calm him down and Youngjae feels better, his friend has always had this very reassuring voice. They talk on the phone until Jinyoung comes to his apartment and takes him to the car, Youngjae is already prepared with everything he’ll need in the hospital, which is an advantage in that situation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Could you call Jaebeom hyung?" Youngjae asks when he's already sitting in the back seat and Jinyoung drives as fast as he can through the city to get to the hospital soon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Jae, I was talking to you."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, right," the two friends laugh but soon the smile becomes a grimace of pain on Youngjae's face, "Another one is coming."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinyoung looks at him in the rearview mirror and hands him his free hand, "Okay, breathe and..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two growl in pain, Youngjae for obvious reasons and Jinyoung for the pain caused by the way his friend clenches his hand with incredible force, until he releases it and they can both breathe again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You're good?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Youngjae replies without air, "How long did it last?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“About 30 seconds? I think."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, it's fine."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While everything is relatively relaxed in the backseat, Jinyoung takes his phone to call Jaebeom again, he knows he has some minutes before the next contraction and wants to find Jaebeom before that happens. But Jaebeom doesn't answer and Youngjae’s starting to get scared.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinyoung tries to keep him calm, he has another contraction just before they get to the hospital but everything’s going as it should so they don’t have to worry about anything yet, and while they enter Youngjae and prepare him, Jaebeom finally answers the phone and Jinyoung wants to kill him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit Jaebeom, where were you?! We’re in the hospital."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What?!" Jaebeom is confused that this is the first thing his friend says but he doesn't even have time to be scared because Jinyoung quickly clarifies it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Youngjae is having the baby!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck! I'm on my way!” He shouts and a thud is heard on the other side of the line, Jinyoung doesn't care if he bumped into something as long as he hurries up so he can tell Youngjae that Jaebeom is coming.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he arrives really fast, Jinyoung sees him run down the hall in which Youngjae's room is and he looks scared cause it’s too early for the baby to come but Jinyoung tells him the doctor said everything seems fine so far, so they don't have to worry now and lets him in to see Youngjae until he had completely calmed down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung!” Youngjae’s lying with a lot of devices connected to his body to monitor him and the baby and he grows calmer now that Jaebeom’s finally there with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey baby, how are you?" Jaebeom smiles sweetly and sits next to him, but Youngjae doesn’t have time to respond, because he just feels a new contraction and squeezes his boyfriend's arm tightly as he holds on and the older growls in pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When it goes away, Youngjae breathes heavily and looks at Jaebeom with tired eyes, "I hate you so much, let’s not do it again. No more babies."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The other boy giggles and kisses his forehead, "Okay, let's focus on the one that's coming for now, yeah? It’ll be fine."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few hours go by like this, the parents of them both come to the hospital but decide to leave the future parents alone in the room and Jaebeom tries to relax Youngjae in all the ways that occurs to him - he caresses his hair and sings in his ear, it works for a while but the truth is that Youngjae wants everything to end already, why can't they give them a gift-wrapped baby and that's it?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s until dawn that Youngjae goes into labor, a doctor and a nurse moves them to a delivery room and some nerves suddenly attacks Jaebeom, they’re really having a baby. They’re going to have a baby.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But things don’t go as they should, in the middle of delivery, the baby monitor starts beeping, the doctor tells the nurse to ask for an surgery room and she runs out of there. Youngjae and Jaebeom look at each other worriedly but the doctor is busier checking the baby's vital signs and preparing Youngjae to go into surgery.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"The umbilical cord was tangled in its neck," the doctor finally explains when they’re almost running down the hall to the surgery room, other doctors and nurses joined them, "It’ll be fine, but we have to get it out now."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae's eyes get wet and he looks at Jaebeom, they are both scared but the older tries not to look like that so he can reassure his boyfriend, "Don't worry baby, you're doing great."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the operating room, everything is fast. The doctors know what they’re doing and it seems that they have done this hundreds of times, Jaebeom is next to Youngjae's head while the doctors do the caesarean section and he whispers pretty words to him to calm him down even if he himself can’t with the anguish.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom isn’t sure how much time they spent there exactly, maybe just over 5 minutes but he feels a huge relief when he hears the baby cry for the first time - his baby is fine and is breathing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a boy," the doctor announces, putting him in the nurse’s arms to have him checked and cleaned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom can barely contain himself, he sees the nurse take the baby to a table a bit away from where they are and the pediatrician starts the checkup, then he looks at Youngjae, who has a tired smile on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you hear that, Jae?!" he whispers on the edge of tears, "It's a boy, we have a baby boy."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Youngjae barely nods but faints a second later, the vital signs monitor goes crazy and then starts a little chaos. Jaebeom looks at the doctor, they all look worried, him and the nurse who is also assisting him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sharp sound of the monitor drills Jaebeom’s ears, and his heart beats so fast that it may come out of his chest in any second now. He starts talking to Youngjae, says his name over and over again but a male nurse is already pushing him to get him out of the operating room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But he doesn't want to leave, Youngjae and his baby are there and he fights with the nurse to let him stay with his boyfriend, he demands for them to tell him what’s happening, that someone gives him an answer but in the end, they manage to get him out of there, the nurse looks at him and tells him to wait a second, that he'll be fine and comes back in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaebeom collapses into the floor and the tears that a second ago were of happiness run down his cheeks but he’s scared, dead worried and it’s not fair that he was taken out when maybe Youngjae needs him most now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon, he feels his mother by his side, asking about the baby and Youngjae but he can only answer that he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know how either of them is and has a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His mother helps him up and he finds himself face to face with Youngjae's parents, he can't tell them anything about his son and he feels terrible, he apologizes to them again and again, it's his fault that Youngjae is there and he’s sorry he has put them in that situation, and apologizes again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His mother-in-law hugs him, telling him that it’s fine, the four parents are with him assuring him that everything will be fine and he also sees Jinyoung and Mark, trying to smile reassuringly, but Jaebeom knows that they’re also worried.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A moment after, that for Jaebeom was long hours of anguish, the doctor appears through the door and approaches them, he seems tired and Jaebeom doesn’t like the expression on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"How are they?" Jaebeom's father is the first to ask and the doctor sighs heavily before talking to them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"The baby is fine. He's healthy and strong, you'll be able take him home soon."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The parents sigh in relief and they even smile but Jaebeom doesn't feel the same way, "What about Youngjae?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he doesn't get an immediate response, Jaebeom feels like he's going to go crazy, "Is Youngjae fine?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor sighs and looks at him with some pity and sadness, shaking his head, "I'm sorry."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the second time in the day, Jaebeom falls apart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jaebeom feels empty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels so much sadness, anger, despair, wants to destroy something, scream until he runs out of voice, wants to run away and shrink in a corner and cry until dry, but the pain and guilt have him numb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All he can do is sit next to Youngjae on the mattress and look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart rate is stable and he breathes rhythmically with the help of a machine. It seems as if he was asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except he’s not and he doesn’t know if he will come back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes burn when the tears pile up again and he no longer has enough strength to stop it, and lets them run freely down his cheeks as he feels his skin sting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jae, baby," he says softly in just a whisper, some of the nurses say he can hear him but he knows they’re lying. Even so, he speaks to him tenderly, "Come back to me... come back. I don't want to be here, not without you... I don't want to..." His voice cracks and tears drain harder, he tries to repress it and it feels like he can’t breathe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't..." he whispers once he calms down again and strokes his hair softly, "I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doctors have not given them much hope, they did what they could in the operating room - the hemorrhage resulted in a shock that left him in a coma from which he may no longer wake up. And if he does, he could develop some kind of neurological problem that they can’t foresee, much less avoid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything that has to do with the brain is too imprecise and doctors don’t have an answer for his condition, nor a solution.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only thing left to do is wait, see how it progresses, right now he’s stable and the diagnosis doesn’t seem so daunting, but there’s no guarantee of anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Jaebeom is going to wait whatever it takes for Youngjae to find his way back, he wants to convince himself that it won't take long, but it doesn’t matter how long actually, he will wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't leave me," he asks in a pitiful whisper as tears keep moistening his cheeks. He has cried so much that he feels he’s going to go dry at any moment now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sliding door of the room opens just then, letting in a worried Jinyoung who looks at him with something like compassion in his eyes - Jaebeom hates him a little bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom turns away and rushes to wipe his tears furiously and then looks at him, trying to form a smile on his face that is nothing but an unconvincing grimace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How... how are you?" Jinyoung doubts, already knowing the answer to a question that seems silly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Good," Jaebeom shrugs, "Fine... I’m..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Did you sleep here again?" He asks another thing he already knows the answer to, there’s a sheet on the couch and a change of clothes on a small table. He has slept in the hospital since the baby was born.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have to go home," Jinyoung tries to be as soft as possible, "Rest better, clear your mind."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom sighs, "No, I... I want to be here when he wakes up, you know? Besides, I can take showers here so it's fine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung wants to tell him something else about that, but no matter how much he tries to tell him, he knows that his friend won't listen. He has to be there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He decides then to change the topic, "I just saw Youngjae's parents."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They were here a while ago," Jaebeom nods and takes Youngjae's hand in his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung makes a face, his friend is absent, he looks like he’s not listening to them and hardly answers. He understands, it's been just a couple of days, but it's like losing his two best friends at once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They want to talk to you, you know? They say that every time they enter the room you leave, as if trying to avoid them."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not avoiding them," Jaebeom says playing down, but the obvious false tone betrays him, "They want to be with Youngjae for a while alone, I don't want to break in."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They also want to see you, they’re worried about you. You can rely on them now, they understand you more than anybody, why don't you talk to them?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom has his eyes fixed on Youngjae's sleeping face, as if he was afraid to turn away and miss the moment he opens his eyes. He takes his time to respond, but in the end he finds no strength to lie to his friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't even see them, Jinyoungie," he says finally, looking at him briefly, "I feel really bad. Look what I did to their son. Because of me he is... how can I see them in the eyes like that?" His voice cuts off and he uses what little he has left to not cry in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is not your fault." Jinyoung replies bluntly, he had no idea that Jaebeom's mind has gone so far as to torture himself like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods, "If I had never suggested we live together and never..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't do this to yourself, hyung." The other replies somehow shocked, he has really gone too far to find a way to blame himself for what happened, "You know that has nothing to do with this and Youngjae's parents would never blame you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They should."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung shakes his head. Again he wants to add something else, but there’s no point trying to convince him that it’s not his fault because he knows him, Jaebeom’s not going to believe him and until he begins to heal he’ll stop seeing things that way. He just wish Jaebeom doesn’t fight this on his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I thought they were gone." Jaebeom says as if he knew that his friend is trying to find words but right now he doesn't want to hear it, preferring to talk about something else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung seems confused for a few seconds, until he links one thing and the other, "They are upstairs, with the baby."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods but he suddenly looks awkward. The change is slight, barely noticeable but Jinyoung feels it, at the mention of the baby, Jaebeom gets unusually tense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I just saw him too," he says watching his friend's reactions closely, "He's so pretty and really funny."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom raises an eyebrow for a second, enough for Jinyoung to notice it, "Oh, is he?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung frowns, in his mind his friend should be showing off how precious his son is, not asking him that as if he didn't care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anyway, he follows the conversation normally, "He’ll be discharged in a few days so you can take him home. You have everything ready, right?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, something like that," the other presses his lips in a thin line and this time it’s too obvious that something is going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom, is there a problem?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small, awkward pause floods the room and Jaebeom directs his gaze to him finally, "I've been thinking."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And maybe it's best to give him up for adoption."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?!" Of all the things that may be going wrong, this is the most unexpected one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't do this without him, Jinyoung..." Jaebeom speaks in a whisper, as if justifying himself, trying to make Jinyoung understand and get him on his side, to tell him he’s doing right, "It wasn't supposed to happen like this and he baby... I can't, not without Youngjae."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And his friend really understands him, in addition to everything, now he has a baby to take care of, he would also be afraid of being in his place but he knows Jaebeom, he knows that there’s something else he’s not telling him and he’s quick to deduce it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You blame him, right?" Jaebeom tenses immediately and Jinyoung knows he hit the spot, "Because of what happened to Youngjae."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom is slow to answer, he’s doubting it, and relatively doesn’t deny it, "Jinyoung, please. He's just a baby."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I think you do."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don’t blame him." Maybe he does, maybe deep down he thinks it was the baby who did this to Youngjae. He has to blame someone else than himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How many times have you gone upstairs to see him?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom shrugs, not in the mood for Jinyoung's scolding, "A couple of times."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Any. He doesn't want to see him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Liar." As expected, Jinyoung can read him as an open book, "You haven't even seen him since he was born, for sure! He's still your son, hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae needs me more for now, the baby is </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>." He says emphasizing the word a bit angry, as if regretting the fact that he’s fine and Youngjae is not. Jinyoung understands it now and sighs heavily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Even if you're stuck to the bed, there's nothing you can do for Youngjae except wait. Your baby is awake, alone and needs you with him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Our parents are with him, he’s not alone."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Enough, Jinyoung!" Jaebeom raises his voice slightly, he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to think about anything other than Youngjae, because it's the only thing that matters to him. "Stop it. I have to be with Youngjae now."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks back at Youngjae and turns his back completely, indicating that the conversation is over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung shakes his head, and sighs sadly. He wants to help him, but he doesn't know how.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It has been 3 weeks and there have been no changes in Youngjae's status. It’s the expected, but Jaebeom feels a little disappointed that he hasn't woken up yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But every minute that passes becomes worse, the possibility of Youngjae coming back is reduced and hope evaporates. The longer he stays like this, the less likely he’s to wake up and Jaebeom is desperate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae is stable, it's the only thing doctors can tell them for sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom tries not to collapse again, or more than he already is, he tries to talk to people and leave the hospital from time to time, even if it's just to buy food and pick up clothes, he feels like he wants to be strong for him. He thinks that Youngjae is there, somewhere and is struggling to come back and Jaebeom wants to fight along with him, he would wait 10 years if necessary.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he appreciates that Youngjae's parents have helped him arrange everything with the hospital so he can stay despite not being a direct family member. At first he felt bad, he has no right to anything despite the relationship they had for years but after that, that problem gives him a new motivation, when Youngjae wakes up, he’ll marry him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one is going to tell him again that they’re not related.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, he waits. Because it’s the only thing he can do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has been told to go home, to go back to work and take some time to himself, but none of them understand. They don't know what it is to have everything and in a second, run out of nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom needs to be there with him, it’s for the only thing that he finds enough strength and the day he returns to his apartment, it’ll be the day he can go with Youngjae. If not, it wouldn’t matter. He won’t go back to an empty house where everything reminds him of him when in fact he can be with him, even though a weird chasm separates them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Here I love you and in vain the horizon hides you. I am still loving you among these cold things. Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy ships, which run by the sea to where they don't reach.</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom gently reads the line of a poems book he has been reading. Poetry, they say, brings physical benefits, stimulates and activates some parts of the brain to process the verses, thanks to the type of complex language used. It also helps clarify feelings, something Jaebeom surely needs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he doesn't know if Youngjae can really hear it. Maybe not, a doctor told him one day that he saw him reading, that those patients can't hear. Another told him it was good to talk to him. He doesn't really know, but he doesn't care what doctors say, he’s decided to think he can.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he reads him every day, poetry and some short stories, he sings his favorite songs, and still unfinished songs composed by Jaebeom himself and tells him about anything and nothing. Youngjae, as an artist, had always believed that art saves lives, Jaebeom wants to believe that he'll find his way faster like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I already see myself forgotten as these old anchors. The docks are sadder when the afternoon comes alongside. My life grows tired, uselessly hungry. I love what I don't have. You are so distant.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My weariness struggles with the slow twilights. But the night comes and begins to sing me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The moon turns its clockwork dream.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Looking at me with your eyes, the biggest stars. And like I love you, the pines in the wind, want to sing your name with their wire blades."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finishes the poem and closes the book, sighing. He looks at Youngjae carefully but there’s no change, he doesn’t know why he expects something different, some signal that he’s coming, he can’t see anything and his heart sinks a little more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I miss you," he whispers, although there’s no one nearby who can listen and stares at him for what it looks like to be centuries, until someone enters the room and interrupts his trance. It can’t be other than Jinyoung, he has gone to the hospital at the same time for the lasts few days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I brought food!" He announces with a happy, improper voice of him, he’s behaving more optimistic and lively than usual, it was weird at first but in the end Jaebeom appreciates the effort his best friend makes to encourage him - not that it works at all, anyways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I already ate," replies the other standing up from the edge of the bed, if he keeps doing that, he’ll end up sinking the mattress on that precise spot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How long ago?" Jinyoung rolls his eyes and puts the food on a small table, he knows that Jaebeom hardy has a coffee for breakfast and thinks he’ll live with that, "Just eat and thank me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, Jinyoung," Jaebeom snorts, "I'll eat later."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"When are you going to go back to your apartment?" Jinyoung suddenly spats, he would usually talk non-stop in an attempt to distract him before going to the scolding, but this time it seems he’s determined to call him upon things from early on, Jaebeom isn’t in the mood to hear him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugs, and Jinyoung rolls his eyes in an exasperated expression, “Do you think you can live here or what? Jaebeom, and what about your job?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I have some time off, okay?" Jaebeom can't remember how many times he has told Jinyoung that he doesn't need to get back to work right away, the manager understands what happened and gave him time to put everything in order. There’s nothing in order, of course, but it doesn't matter. "I'm going to stay here, whatever it takes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And what about Yejun?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What about him?" The older makes a face at hearing the name he and Youngjae had chosen in advance for the baby, he’s named like that now but he’s not sure that the name will stay once he goes with his adoptive family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, that’s what he says to himself in his mind, because in reality, he hasn’t done any paperwork for the adoption, he has neither time nor want to take care of the child when he has to take care of Youngjae.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"God, do you even care?" Jinyoung says between surprised and annoyed, it's amazing that Jaebeom doesn't worry not even a little bit about his son's well-being or that’s what it looks like. He doesn't know what's so wrong with that baby that Jaebeom is so mistrustful of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Of course I do."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, right. At least do you know where is he now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Over the maternity wing." Jaebeom answers confidently but Jinyoung laughs dryly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's with Youngjae’s parents."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are they here?" The older is somewhat surprised that Mr. and Mrs. Choi didn’t go to see Youngjae first, if they were in the hospital.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom, the baby was already discharged, he's home!" Jinyoung screams angrily and Jaebeom bites his lip a little guilty, he has no idea how or where the baby really is, he doesn't know anything about him - he doesn’t even knows him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows he's in the wrong, he knows that he has to worry about him more now that he's been born but he can't, he can't dedicate his time to someone else when Youngjae is in a bed for that someone, it wouldn't be fair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh. He’ll be fine with them."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung sighs in exasperation, because if he tried to understand him before, he can't anymore. He doesn’t understand how he behaves so indifferent towards his own son, when while Youngjae was pregnant he looked so forward to it. He’s only hurting himself and hurting someone innocent on the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You are amazing, really. How can you do that? Are you really going to abandon him to his fate just like that?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I’m not! I just said he'll be better with Youngjae's parents or mine than with me. Don't you get it, Jinyoung? How am I supposed to take care of him when I need to be here?!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung massages his nose bridge and breathes deeply before answering, more calmly this time, "God, hyung! Loving your son doesn’t mean that you’ll love Youngjae less, nor for caring for one, you have to neglect the other. Youngjae is going to..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't say he's going to be fine!" Jaebeom cuts him angrily, stopping himself from shouting, "You don't know it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes!" The other one says loudly but also tries not to shout, "Youngjae will be fine! One day he’ll wake up and he’ll be happy for the way you have taken care of his baby, and very proud too! Or do you think he would prefer you to stay here without even knowing where your son is?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom is silent, deep down he knows that Jinyoung is right, like most of the time. Youngjae would definitely ask him to put the baby as a priority and if he himself was the one in bed he's sure that he would ask Youngjae to worry about the baby first. It just that he can't.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few good minutes in silence, Jinyoung talks to him again, much calmer, like the usual Jinyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mark hyung is outside... can he come in?" He asks, pointing to the door, Jaebeom nods, looking away to the wall on the opposite side of the room. He has a horrible feeling in the pit of his guts and he doesn’t think the sensation is going away soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mark comes in, Jaebeom turns to them and frowns when he sees him carrying a small, weeping bulge between his arms, Mark smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Look, I have someone who wants to meet you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom sighs heavily and shakes his head, "Why did you bring him here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He needs you, Jaebeom. Not anyone else’s parents, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his dad.” Mark says softly, evidencing that he heard at least part of the conversation but it doesn't matter anymore, Jaebeom's heart starts beating hard and fast for some unknown reason and it’s as if two magnets were throwing him at opposite sides. One side pulls him towards the baby and the other, wants to force him to look the other way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark decides for him and approaches, the baby is awake and moves his little arms, he’s crying quietly and Jaebeom is terrified.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Take him. Yejunie, say hi to your dad," The older one says putting him in his arms, with no option to cower away and Jaebeom hugs him for the very first time, his chest hurts, he feels that he’ll explode at any second, but he doesn't think it's a bad thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The baby suits comfortably in his arms and slowly, stops crying. He’s so small and seems so fragile, Jaebeom touches him carefully, he’s so afraid to break him. He’s so soft and so pretty, he looks at him with small, beautiful eyes. One of his plump little hands wraps his finger and it feels a slight pressure, barely noticeable, but it’s there and then he explodes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles softly and thinks the baby smiles back before closing his eyes. He looks so much like Youngjae, and it's as if something clicked inside. Yejun is something that he has left of him. He has a part of Youngjae and himself in his arms, the best thing they have done together and it’s perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He’s beautiful," he says as his voice cracks, and his two friends nod, they’re smiling because witnessing how Jaebeom falls in love in a second of his baby is precious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears of everything that Jaebeom has stored inside him run down his cheeks and he no longer knows what he’s feeling. He’s happy, the baby has just turned him around and feels guilty, for not having been there since day one. He’s very sad for Youngjae, and so disappointed in himself. He’s a mess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry," he whispers to the baby as he looks at him with adoration, "I’m so sorry, I'm not going to leave you alone again, never."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he looks at Youngjae, with the same love he has always had for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He realizes that Jinyoung was right once again, although he will never admit it in front of him - it's not about sharing or dividing the love he had between two, it's about adding and making it bigger, so much that he doesn't know if it will fit in his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you," then he looks at his friends, who smile at him and with his son in his arms he smiles back, a genuine one this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And though he still doesn’t process everything he’s feeling, he’s pretty sure of one single thing, that baby has just become his entire life.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The poem JB reads is by Pablo Neruda, named "Aquí te amo"</p><p>I think is really beautiful and kind of fitting (?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jaebeom wakes up when something crushes his ribs, cutting him out his breath momentarily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he feels a soft, very slight tingling in the cheeks that he decides to ignore and keeps his eyes closed, trying to fall asleep again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bad decision, because soon one of his eyelids is pulled open and he can see in the shadows a lump sitting on his chest, and a little hand on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grunts and turns his face to close his eyes again, feeling that tickle on his cheeks again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Papa," he listens in the distance but ignores it and again someone tries to open his eyes forcefully, "Papa."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom takes the culprit in his arms and still with closed eyes he lies sideways, hugging the baby at his side to keep him still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Junnie, don't do that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Papa, mi."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom sighs tired, it's Saturday and he really needs to sleep, but it's not like he can change his daily routine just because he doesn't feel like getting up. No, he can’t lie down when his 10 month old child is hungry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs again and opens his eyes. Yejun looks at him with his huge, bright eyes wide open and smiles when he sees him waking up, putting his plump little hands on his cheeks. Jaebeom also smiles, it’s inevitable, although most of the time he’s dead tired and often feels that he can’t with the job, his baby's vision every morning by his side puts him in a good mood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mi, okay." He growls as he stretches in an attempt to drive the fatigue away. He makes his usual maneuver to get out of bed by the feet - the bed is with one side glued to the wall and on the other side is Yejun’s cradle, so there aren’t many ways to go down other than crawling down the mattress.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He attracts the baby to himself and carries him on one arm, while Yejun hugs his neck, "Mi, mi, mi!" he shouts and Jaebeom laughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only words his child can say with perfect clarity is 'Papa’, the rest is just cut syllables and strange sounds just like ‘Mi’, the key word for milk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he surprises himself when, in fact, he understands him when he babbles all the time. His mother told him that it’s natural for him to understand it, it’s a paternal instinct - now he’s dedicated to translating to everyone what Yejun tries to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the kitchen, Jaebeom puts water in the microwave and deftly prepares the bottle with one hand, nodding at something that Yejun is babbling about with tons of excitement - something about a toy and he’s sure he mentions Jinyoung, maybe his friend promised him a new one or at least that’s what he thinks it means.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom can’t explain himself how a 10-month-old child can have so much to say, but the baby is a talkative one, it seems as if he has batteries, just keeping silent when he eats or sleeps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Choi finds it very funny how he’s so, she says Youngjae was the same as a baby - very loud, something that is still now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the formula is ready, they go back to the room, crawl over the mattress and Yejun takes the bottle once lying down, Jaebeom smiles softly and uses all his willpower not to fall asleep in that same second, forcing himself to stay awake until the baby finishes his milk and hands the empty bottle to Jaebeom, who just throws it aside and closes his eyes immediately after Yejun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second time Jaebeom wakes up, a couple of hours later, he does it before Yejun, who is still sleeping comfortably by his side, he’s scattered on the bed, with his legs and arms open and Jaebeom's heart jumps as usual when sees him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pokes one of his chubby cheeks gently so as not to wake him up but still the baby makes a face and Jaebeom laughs, he’s so pretty and looks so much like Youngjae, whenever he sees him he wants to squeeze him in his arms and never let go or take a bite because he can’t deal with all the tenderness he causes him - the bite isn’t literal, he thinks a second later just in case someone can hear his thoughts and judge him, but of course nobody can judge if they don’t have their own children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spends a few minutes watching his baby, with an idiotic smile on his face until he forces himself to get up for breakfast, he hugs Yejun as softly as he can to not wake him though, to tell the truth, that child has a very heavy sleep, once asleep, he doesn't wake up unless he's hungry and he does it at quite specific times - Jaebeom is proud to have set schedules since he was a newborn, he never had too many problems to make him sleep full nights and it was very rare those times when he woke up in the middle of the night crying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thinks that also has a lot to do with Youngjae, after all his boyfriend also slept like a bear in winter, but Jinyoung says that he’s so obsessive and organized with his own schedules that he infected Yejun already.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves the baby on the crib carefully, Yejun moves and Jaebeom starts to pray so he doesn’t wake up and shushes him in a low voice, gently caresses his face and once he makes sure he’s still asleep, he leaves the room with slow and quiet steps, just in case.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he closes the room’s door, Nora gets tangled up in his feet and meows, Jaebeom knows that she also wants to eat now and apologizes for forgetting to feed her when he prepared the first bottle, scratching behind her ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feeds the kitten first and then starts cooking breakfast for them. Normally he would eat the same thing as Yejun cause he has no time to do anything else, but today he decides to cook Bibimbap and leaves some rice for the baby, which he’ll give him along with some scrambled eggs and pieces of ham. He has to go to the supermarket these days and makes a mental note that he’ll have to write on his phone because most likely he’s going to forget it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And like a perfect little clock Yejun wakes up just when he has breakfast ready, he hears him calling him from the room and rushes to go for him, because either he’ll start crying, or he’ll try to get off the cradle by himself and he doesn’t want neither of that happening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Papa!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey there," he greets him and smiles when the baby starts making grabby hands for him to hug him, "Did you sleep well?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The baby puts his arms around his neck, starting to talk about things that Jaebeom still doesn’t understand but he smiles and makes surprised sounds from time to time so that his son keeps talking to him, and it isn’t until he’s sitting and with the food in front of him that he finally quiets down because his mouth is busy with his breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yejun tries to eat alone though he’s only able to take the spoon as a flag and eat with his hands, so Jaebeom watches him as he rushes to eat, laughs with him when he drops the food he manages to grab with the spoon, and then feeds him himself at the end, when he realizes is more fun to throw the food away than to put it in his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they’re finishing, he receives a message that he knows is from Jinyoung and gives it a quick read, 'I'm going over’ says the text and he looks at his baby who is destroying a piece of banana between his little hands and smearing it on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't do that Junnie," he tells without reprimanding him, picks up the dishes, cleanses his hands carefully, while the boy has already babbled a million other things but this time, when he finishes cleaning the muddy and thrown in the floor food, asks him to sit still for a second because he has something to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Today Jinyoungie is coming to see you, do you want to play with him?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The baby shouts something weird that in his well-trained ears sounds like something like 'Nioni' and jumps, moving his little feet in the air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to go do something today, and you'll stay with him meanwhile, okay? I promise it’ll only be a little while.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yejun keeps screaming happily, hitting the table with his hands. To Jaebeom's advantage, the baby has never had some very severe dad attachment and can leave him alone with Jinyoung and Mark or his grandparents with no fear that he’ll feel sad or throw a tantrum all day long while he’s gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Meow meow!” The baby suddenly shouts when he sees his kitten walking through the kitchen and points to her, starting to move in his chair like crazy, he probably wants to follow her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to play with Nora?" Jaebeom asks with no need to hear the answer and hugs his son, takes him to the living room that besides the couch and a small table in a corner, is completely furniture free.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he recently moved with Yejun just 4 months ago to that apartment, he decided to leave it like that so that the boy could crawl freely and, when the time came, walk without Jaebeom being anxious for fear about him hitting his head with something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now, the baby already can stand up holding on things and Jaebeom prefers to leave the living with nothing that could potentially poke his eye or something, maybe it’s an over reaction, but it doesn’t really matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves the baby on the floor covered with a soft foami mat in the living room, brings the container with some of his toys and puts the playlist with Yejun's favorite music before going to the kitchen to wash the dishes and then he hurries to get dressed to be ready before his friend arrives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung takes longer than he imagines and when the bell rings, Jaebeom has already finished dressing Yejun too, both are sitting in the room, playing with cubes though it was basically the baby screaming and throwing them away and Jaebeom recovering them to repeat everything again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I liked the other apartment better,” Jinyoung complains when he opens the door, pushing him aside to put out his shoes and go straight to Yejun, “It was closer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom rolls his eyes, "We weren't going to raise Yejun in our college flat."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He avoids adding an ‘evidently’, just because Jinyoung can't hear him anymore. But it’s obvious, how he was going to raise a baby in a 4x4 flat, with only one room, a bathroom, a mini kitchen and a living room that served as a dining room too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had never been the plan to stay there anyway, and as soon as he had money enough to give the first payment of this new apartment he didn’t think twice, it’s more central, much closer to his workplace and especially much more bigger - it has a living large enough for Yejun to have plenty of room to play, the kitchen and dining room have it’s own space, it has 3 rooms, which allows him to have a studio at home, even the bathroom is a thousand times larger than the old apartment one - in a nutshell, this apartment was totally familiar, there wasn’t a single reason to have stayed in that mini students house, even if that meant living further away from Jinyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for taking care of him today, my parents were busy and Youngjae's parents went back to Mokpo, before..." Jaebeom sighs and Jinyoung who is currently holding Nora so the baby can pet her, shrugs his shoulders.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It’s okay, I've told you a million times I love staying with him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods, approaches to his son and hugs him goodbye, “Be good, okay? I’ll be back soon."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "Please don't, leave us alone for once."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There’s milk ready in the fridge, you just have to heat it," The other says, ignoring the comment, "And if I don't come back before his snack time, there is..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I know where the food and diapers are. Get out of here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I’ll try to…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It seems like this is the first time you leave him in my very much capable hands, we'll be fine,” Jinyoung interrupts him, taking the boy from his arms and pushing him to the door, “We're going to have a lot of fun, right? Say goodbye to dad, bye bye dad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yejun smiles and opens and closes his fists in farewell, Jaebeom knows that he’ll be fine, obviously he trusts Jinyoung but this day he especially feels some resistance to walking away but because of the way Jinyoung pushes him he knows that his friend has already read him as open book and will not allow him to stay at home, not today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, fine, I'm leaving. Goodbye baby.” He makes the same gesture the baby’s making and turns around, but Jinyoung stops him just before leaving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The aforementioned looks at him and Jinyoung smiles sadly, “Say hello from me. Tell him I love him and we miss him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom feels a lump in his throat and he can barely keep his eyes from getting watery, "I will," is the only thing he says before he leaves.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom walks through the hospital automatically, as if it were his second home - maybe it is, he knows it as well as anyone who has spent at least a couple of hours there, every day for 10 months in a row, without missing a single one, he knows the halls, the guards, the lady in the cafeteria.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he arrives at the floor where Youngjae's room is, he greets the head nurse of that floor that is on the counter with a new nurse, he still doesn't know her name, she has only a week there but he still comes to talk to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where did you leave Yejunnie?" The head nurse asks as soon as he approaches, he smiles kindly and hands them a chocolates box, sometimes he gives them some detail for taking such good care of Youngjae and in gratitude for letting him stay after the visits hours, when he can’t leave work early enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He stayed home today."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two nurses smile but before they can say anything else, the phone rings and the older one turns to answer, the nurse in practice looks at him and bites her lower lip ashamed and points to the bouquet of flowers in his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They're pretty," she says, "What patient are you here for?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Choi Youngjae, in the 219.” He replies, he’s not surprised by the nurse's reaction - she opens his eyes and it feels a certain pity evident in them when she realizes that he’s visiting the patient in a coma that they’ll disconnect soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is he your friend? Surely he would like the flowers very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom just smiles again, pointing to the hall to indicate that he’s leaving but she stops him just before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My shift ends in an hour, would you like to... go dinner or just go out somewhere?" She asks, blushing and looking down, Jaebeom is surprised that she has been so forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In these months there, several nurses have tried to flirt with him but soon they learned not to disturb him, when they learned that it was his boyfriend and his son's father who was in bed. She sure doesn't know the story yet, apparently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry, I'm engaged," he replies trying to be nice, but now he just wants to get out of there and see Youngjae, "I'll see you around, later."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he walks down the hall to his boyfriend's room, he hears the head nurse almost scoldingly telling her how she can’t do that, informing him that his fiancé is in fact the boy in bed and that they also had a child together - it wasn’t the best idea to ask him out and less at that time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Actually, Jaebeom doesn't usually care if any of them ask him out even if the answer has always been no, but right now Youngjae's whole topic has him too sensitive and in a bad mood and just thinking about seeing someone else makes him sick - It feels a bit pathetic, to tell the truth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae's room no longer feels like a hospital room. At first, spending time there was painful, uncomfortable, he hated everything there - the colors, the doctors, the smell. Now it was an almost pleasant place where he could spend time with Youngjae, it had become an almost cozy place, almost, because it was still very painful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hi baby," he greets almost in a whisper, no one can hear him more than Youngjae, but he has always felt that it’s more personal like that, a talk that concerns only the two of them, "I brought you this."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves the bouquet of flowers on the bedside table and sits on the bed next to him taking his hand, it’s cold. He takes a deep breath but can’t get rid of the lump in his throat and stays silent for a moment just watching his expressionless face to start talking without his voice cracking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jinyoung says hello, says he loves you and..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He squeezes his eyes tightly, he doesn't want to start crying, he's tired of crying and he's sure Youngjae wouldn't like it either. The problem is today, it should be a happy day, but it’s not, there are too many things happening to be happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinks several times and clears his throat before continuing, “He's taking care of Yejun, forgive me for not bringing him to see you. Last week he was a bit sick, but don't worry, he's fine now. I promise to bring him tomorrow, yeah? I would like you to see him, he has grown so much and he’s so pretty, Jae, is beautiful and he’s really smart too. Has I told you that a few days ago he tried to stand by grabbing the leg of a chair? He slipped and almost fell, but Nora got behind him and he managed to hold on. I thought he would crush her.” he tells, and laughs softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nora loves him very much, she takes care of him as if he were one of her kittens. It makes me jealous, she loves him more than me. And he already has a new record in food throwing, today he managed to send a piece of ham right to the counter. You would have a lot of fun with him Jae, he's so funny, you would be very proud of him…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then the tears start to run down his cheeks, without him being able to avoid it. All he wants is for him to be with them and to see their baby growing up and doing weird things, and to sing to him before he sleeps and be able to hug him at night and actually talk to him - the thing here is, there's no time anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not ready to let you go..." he says between soft gasps and looks up, his eyes clouded with tears, extends an arm to caress his hair, the skin of his face that still retains a little color in it, he wants to imagine him as he was before, with round and pink cheeks, but in his mind only a lifeless image he doesn’t want to see, appears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your parents have already made a decision, Jae." He informs him after he could stop the tears and wipes his face, then holds Youngjae's hands in his again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctors don't think… they don't think something will change. It's been almost a year and your parents agreed that it's time to let you go. Don't get them wrong, it's a very difficult decision for them too, they know that I don't want to do it, they would also like to see you playing around with Yejun at some point but... they don't think you're happy connected to a machine, they say you're stuck here against your will. They just want you to go where you can be free and happy. I want that too baby, but I can't let you go like this, I don't want to leave you. I'm not ready yet."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tears come back and he speaks with difficulty, the soft spasms that shakes his body stops him from breathing with ease, “Is it selfish? It's bad if I want you to stay even like this a little bit longer? Because I know you're still here, you still exist with me. I can still talk to you, and touch you and see you. Is it wrong to still have hope that you’ll find your way back? I don't want to be selfish, I don't want you to stay if you're sad here but... How could I let you go without doing anything but seeing? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jae, I feel like shit right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spends a while in silence, with his eyes fixed on the window and his hands plays a little with Youngjae's fingers, people who pass by outside wouldn’t see anything out of place but if they pay attention enough, they’ll see the hipids that contract his back, but they’re so soft that one barely can notice, and Jaebeom tries hard for nobody to notice he’s crying, he forces himself to stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And once he calms down, he looks back at him and smiles, no matter all the weight he has lost or the color that is missing from his lips or cheeks, in his eyes he is still beautiful, his heart twists because he’s dying to see his eyes shining for him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They told me I had to start saying goodbye, you know, to make it less difficult in two weeks. When your parents come back from Mokpo they’ll do it. But I don't want to say goodbye yet, baby. It's okay? Can you forgive me and let me be a little more selfish?” He inhales deeply, and makes an effort to make his voice sound happier, “Do you know what day it is today? 7 years ago I had the balls to ask you to be my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when he laughs, this time is more real and genuine, Youngjae was 15 and just entered high school, Jaebeom was two years older but he was definitely more stupid, barely greeting him in the singing workshop they shared and couldn’t keep his coolness for more than 1 minute being close to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Actually it was something else that he owed Jinyoung, if it hadn't been for him he probably would never have asked him out, because originally it was Jinyoung who actually asked Youngjae out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still remembers Jinyoung's looks when he talked about Youngjae, at first it was almost tender, then he just rolled his eyes and when he got tired of Jaebeom doing absolutely nothing about his little crush, Jinyoung approached Youngjae and invited him to have lunch with them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They became friends, at least Jaebeom didn't act like a fool around him anymore, but he didn't do much more than discover that he liked him more and more every day and when Jinyoung got fed up again, he asked him to go to the movies - Youngjae accepted, he thought it would be some friends thing and nothing else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That day Jinyoung didn’t showed up and Jaebeom took the opportunity to mention that he liked to hang out with him like that, just the two of them as on a date, date. Youngjae said he liked it too, and Jaebeom remembers that he almost jumps in excitement when he said he would like to go out with him again, just the two of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They went out several more times and when he finally filled up with courage, he asked him to be his boyfriend officially. He planned a lot of cheesy things and was thinking of giving him a bunch of roses, or chocolates or giant balloons or making him a banner and taking him to dinner to an expensive place - don't judge him he was 17. But he knew deep down that none of that was his style, nor that of Youngjae to tell the truth, he also didn't even have money to buy all what he wanted to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, it came out better than he expected. He bought pizza and they had dinner on the roof of Jaebeom's house. He gave him only one flower that he ripped out from the garden of his grandmother's house and wrote him a song - the first song in his life he wrote completely, it was 3 and a half minutes of his voice accompanied by a guitar, and words full of sentimentality and confessions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Youngjae, I like you a lot and I want you to be my boyfriend! Only if you want. You want?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He told him as soon as the recording was over, and he clearly remembers how he blushed furiously, he wanted to run away and hide somewhere where Youngjae couldn't see him the way he saw him at that moment, his eyes wide open and confused. For a second he feared he would say no.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Okay."</span>
  </em>
  <span> he said after hours in silence. It was about 10 seconds maximum, but for Jaebeom it was slow and tortuous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Okay?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Youngjae smiled, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Yeah, I want to."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs again, it feels good to have a bit of those moments in spite of everything. “I really thought you would say no and that I had screwed it up. Thank you for staying with me for so long.” He leans a little to kiss his hand, “Happy 7th year, baby. You deserved more than I could give you, and you gave me more than I deserve. There are still many things I want to do with you, we deserved more time together. I wish we had more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he realizes that his words no longer have hope in them, it’s as if without realizing he has already resigned himself to losing him, to say goodbye even though it’s exactly what he doesn’t want to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, forget that last part. We have much more to come, I promise. I'm going to have hope until the last moment… could you…” his voice breaks again and he feels suddenly pathetic, he doesn't know what he's doing anymore. "Please, Jae. Could you fight a little more? Come back to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs deeply and gets up, puts water in the vase and puts the flowers he took on the table in front of the bed. So when he wakes up it’ll be the first thing he’ll see. And then he sits on the bed again, takes his hand and tells him about unimportant things, about Yejun and his latest crawling adventure, about Jinyoung and Mark - they are thinking about moving in together finally. About Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom and how the nurses had to take them out that last time they went to visit him because they were making too much noise and they are still not allowed to visit again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He also sings a couple of songs he’s working on, and then he’s silent, he says nothing for a long time but it feels good like this, he has never needed too many words with Youngjae when they understand each other perfectly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When it’s time to go, he gets up reluctantly from the bed, he doesn’t want to leave him but he has to return to Yejun, he will come back tomorrow anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you," he says in a whisper, kisses his forehead and walks away with a feeling of heaviness in his chest that suffocates him a little. A feeling he has had since he’s in bed and that it will never leave now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>*       *        *        *</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He receives the call from the hospital while he’s in a meeting and he can’t answer, at first he doesn’t think it’s urgent - it’s probably the papers they have to sign about Youngjae, that or the family psychologist who is taking the case. In either case, they should call Mr. and Mrs. Choi, the hospital calls three times and they stop but almost an hour later it’s Youngjae's parents who call him, over and over again, without stopping and it's there when he starts to worry, what if it’s something really urgent? And if they decided to change forward the date and he’s not there?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He apologizes to his team and goes out into the hall to answer the call from Youngjae's mother who is just calling for the 5th time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello? Mrs. Choi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeom, honey, are you busy?" Says the voice on the other side of the line, it sounds strange, Jaebeom can deduce that she has been crying and he feels how his heart is dropping to his feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Has something happened with Youngjae?" He asks, he hears the fear begin to appear in his own voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You need to come to the hospital as soon as possible."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is there... is something wrong with him?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There's something,” replies the lady and Jaebeom can hear a soft sob, “Don't worry, okay? I talked to your mother and she stayed with Junnie. Nothing happens, just come here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he not worry?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he hangs up, he enters the boardroom only to tell them that there’s an emergency and he needs to leave, and runs to his car, tomorrow he’ll explain everything calmly but now he just wants to be there for whatever is happening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He arrives at the hospital in record time, the last time he drove this fast is when the baby was going to be born but now the feeling is completely different, he feels that with each step his soul escapes a bit from his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He runs through the halls without caring about people who look at him badly, do not even waste time taking the elevator, or stop to greet anyone this time, he just runs until he reaches Youngjae's floor but stop dead when he sees a fist of doctors and nurses gathered outside Youngjae's room - which is an exaggeration, it can’t be more than five, and Mr. and Mrs. Choi are talking very seriously with his boyfriend's doctor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae's mother sees him first and approaches him, hugs him tightly but Jaebeom feels his heart in his mouth, he doesn’t even know how to react to anything and begins to bombard her with questions, but the lady smiles and hugs him again, she whispers that everything is fine and then looks him in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae is fine, dear." She says with a small smile and Jaebeom doesn't understand anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But then what... why I had to... the doctors..." he babbles nonsense, without the air that he hasn’t recovered yet of his sprint from the parking lot there, and Mrs. Choi tries to calm him down, gently pats his shoulders and embraces him again but he won't be calm until someone tells him what's going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is he fine? What happened?” He asks again and he’s already desperate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He woke up, Jaebeom. Youngjae woke up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One chapter left!! LOL </p><p> </p><p>I'm warning you right now, next one is going to be like, super fluffy and nothing else</p><p>And I have it half wrote already, something is something </p><p>Hope you liked it !! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rattling sound of his foot against the hospital's white tile causes him more anxiety than it keeps him calm, but he can't stop and keeps banging his heel against the floor quickly, the annoying sound echoing in his head like a hammer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s feeling like he’s going to tear his hair apart for all the feelings he has stuck inside, out there outside the room, waiting his turn to go in and see Youngjae. The doctors have had him from test to test, checking that everything is fine and well, it’s obvious that they had to check him but they didn’t give them time to even say hello.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A little less than an hour ago, Youngjae was returned to his room, they were told that everything seemed fine with him, his organs function normally, he can talk correctly and he has no serious neurological problems. He has amnesia and will need therapy to walk again but besides that everything is fine which, considering all the other probable less favorable scenarios, is already a miracle by itself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae's parents went in to see him first, at the offer of Jaebeom himself who had an unexplained panic in the last second and couldn’t force himself into his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he wants to see him, he’s dying to talk to him but at the same time he suddenly feels that he cannot do it. He’s afraid of what Youngjae will say, of disappointing him, that he may no longer love him or that he doesn’t remember him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Half an hour later, Youngjae's parents leave the room and he knows it's his turn, it's time to face whatever comes but the smile on Mr. and Mrs. Choi's faces comforts him a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He wants to see you," the woman says patting his cheek with affection, but since Jaebeom doesn’t move from the seat, she gently pushes him to react, "Everything is fine, don't be afraid."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom gulps with difficulty and breathes in deeply, he can do this, is just Youngjae, his Youngjae, and he also asked for him, he knows that the fear that he has forgotten him is unfounded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He enters the room carefully, as if he’s breaking into something even though that same room became his almost home in the recent months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And there he is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart accelerates so suddenly and takes a so rapid speed that it’s painful, his eyes fill with tears at the sight of those small but bright eyes looking finally back, full of life and when Youngjae smiles at him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he has missed him so much it’s unbearable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jaebeomie hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hi, baby," he says in a whisper and slowly approaches, slower than he would like, far from what he always imagined it would happen the day he woke up - in his mind he always ran and squeezed him in a hug, and then they lived happily ever after.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In reality, it's Youngjae who extends his arms to receive him and Jaebeom soon reaches his side, hugs his waist and hides his face in his chest, he feels how Youngjae wraps him in a hug that feels so warm and comforting and soon all the tears he has had accumulating for a long time of relief, of happiness - the total opposite of the tears he has shared before, begin to run down his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae caresses his hair gently but says nothing, Jaebeom can feel small spasms that aren’t his own and he knows that Youngjae is also crying - but he doesn’t want to cry anymore, all he has needed he already has it and he can’t waste time making him cry when he can see him smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I’m sorry," Youngjae also speaks softly and Jaebeom frowns, pulling away to look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For being like this… they told me that I've been in bed for almost a year… I’m so sorry. I don’t…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey baby, it's fine. It’s okay." Jaebeom tells him smiling softly, and caresses his face gently, “It's not your fault, I'm happy you're fine now. You don't have an idea how much I missed you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I missed you too."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom can’t stop the smile from widening, approaching and finally, after what seems like a century of drought, he leans down and touches his lips with his own, they are warm and plump just as they always have been and the feeling of the soft touch being returned let him know that this isn’t a dream. That they are two again and he’s no longer alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he tries to deepen the kiss, Youngjae pushes him but hugs him a second after, hiding his face in the hollow of his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jae?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, sure I smell horrible with all those months without touching a toothpaste..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs and sinks his nose on his hair - he obviously smells like hospital but this or pomegranate conditioner, it doesn’t matter as long as he’s here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You know I don't care about that, right?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uhm..." Youngjae shrugs and kisses Jaebeom's neck lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I've seen you in your worst, I even kissed you that time you had a really bad cold. You said you were disgusting but I kissed you anyway."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"When did you do that?" Youngjae hits his shoulder but when he sees Jaebeom's face, which is almost as if in shock even if he tries to hide it quickly, he realizes that maybe that moment is one of those things that one doesn’t forget. "Sorry I... I don't remember."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom shakes his head, the doctors have already explained it to him, Youngjae doesn't remember at least the last 2 years of his life, they discovered it in the routine questions and apparently, of the important events, he can remember until he entered college and he started planning his move with Jaebeom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which means he has no idea what left him in a coma, or absolutely no memory of Yejun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doctor told him that events like these, especially one so intense that involves having given birth, were things that tend to return on their own, that he’s likely start to get his memories back gradually in a couple of weeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he also warned them not to give him too much information at once, it’s best to let his mind rest, remind him of some things and be very careful when telling him that he was pregnant so as not to cause him any shock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae's parents agreed that it has to be Jaebeom who tells him about the baby and he decides to wait a few days - he’s not going to hide that of course, he just wants to wait a bit for him to get better, give him time to recover, breathe, settle and talk to him when he’s more stable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For now, he’ll only tell him about unimportant things, such as that kiss he gave him when he was sick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was shortly after we moved together,” he says in a soft voice, combs Youngjae's hair behind his ear, “You said it was your karma - you got really sick but you refused to come to the hospital, you had a soaring fever while you swore you were fine.” He rolls his eyes remembering how stubborn Youngjae used to be in those aspects. “After 3 days in bed, you finally left the room magically cured but hungry as hell. I was happy you were fine, yeah? But now that I think about it, you didn't care that much about your meds breath at that time cause you almost took my tonsils out with your tongue.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae huffs, grimacing, "Shut up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs and Youngjae soon accompanies him, they laugh together until their stomach hurts and it's all he needs at the moment. Finally that dark hollow inside disappears, filled by the beautiful laugh of the sun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you going to let me kiss you or not?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"After brushing my teeth."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom wrinkles his nose in disagreement, and goes to the bathroom almost running to return with a toothbrush and a glass of water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae lets out a loud laugh and takes the brush, "Do you want to kiss me this bad?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, hurry up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Pervert." But the smile that plays on his lips belies him, he is happy that Jaebeom wants him as much as ever. That he still loves him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he finishes brushing his teeth, Jaebeom has already took the brush from his hands, he puts everything on the bedside table and pounces on him, pulling his neck to stick his lips in a more frantic kiss, in which he shows how much he has needed this, without filters in a dirty tongue dance with saliva and toothpaste he lets him know how much he has missed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's like coming home - all of this makes it more real, Youngjae really kisses him back with a comparable hunger, clings to his shoulder and one of his hands closes in the hairs on his nape, receiving and corresponding all the passion contained that Jaebeom has to give.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you, baby." Jaebeom says without air when they pull away, Youngjae smiles and hugs him tight enough to cut his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The position is also uncomfortable, so Jaebeom moves him gently to be able to lie next to him on the mattress, surrounds his waist with his arms, their legs are intertwined and Youngjae looks at him with a tender smile on his face, it makes Jaebeom feel loved and his heart no longer fits inside him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stay like that for a long time, just looking at each other and smiling like two idiots in love, then suddenly laughing and then just looking at each other with no expression again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What are you thinking about?" The older asks, raising a hand to touch the frame of his face with a finger, slowly and softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae shrugs and gets closer, hiding his face in his chest and inhales his scent, he can remember well that Jaebeom always smelled of soft cologne, it was a delicious smell, not too overpowering, just enough to drive anyone crazy. Now, strangely he has a smell that is quite the opposite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You smell like powdered milk."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom lets out a laugh and nods, “Yeah I bet, why? Smells bad?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Not bad, just weird."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"At least the stage of the vomit smell went away." He explains without thinking about what he’s saying, "I prefer milk a thousand times over."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Vomit?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People think it's not that bad, but when you’re throwed up on 3 times a day the smell is just... like it permeates in the skin and isn’t nice at all. It doesn't go off!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That makes Youngjae laugh, Jaebeom has always been dramatic but he can't imagine someone letting themselves be vomited by someone else willingly, "Hyung, what are you talking about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That question finally makes something click in his brain, he’s about to give Youngjae the news that they have a child in the most stupid way in the world and the least he wants is for the boy to get something for the abrupt lack of tact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You tell me." Youngjae keeps smiling but frowns.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older moves his hand to downplay it, “It's nothing, forget it. I have to use more softener maybe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other approaches again and sniffs him, then shakes his head, “I really like it. It's almost as if it reminds me of something, but I don't know what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom's heart jumps and he doesn’t know if he’s nervous or excited but it’s not the time to tell him just yet so he leaves the subject aside and dedicates himself to silently enjoy the simple joy he gets in having Youngjae like this again, with his face hidden in his chest, about to fall asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for staying with me." Youngjae says suddenly and raises his face to look at him, it seems is something he has wanted to say for a while but he didn’t dare to do it, "I know it has been a long time and I don’t remember a lot of things and..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jae, you are my entire world. No matter what or how much time passes, I’ll be with you and I will always love you." Jaebeom assures him, he breaks the hug to hold his hands firmly in his and kisses his knuckles gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you." The younger smiles, because for him it hasn’t been months since the last day he remembers having been with his boyfriend and the present, and he feels so loved as back then, as if this really had been nothing more than a night's sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thanks for coming back to me." Jaebeom whispers and caresses the back of his hands with his thumbs, and stares at him almost without blinking, as if he doesn’t believe this is really happening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I’m gonna sleep." Youngjae tries to get closer to him, settle into his chest and closes his eyes but Jaebeom stops him, squeezes the grip on his hands almost desperately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wait a little longer."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung, I'm tired." But still, he opens his eyes and looks at him again. He has dark circles under his eyes, fatigue is noticeable, it has been a long day for him and he really needs to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I'm sorry, just a second? Look at me a little bit more.” He asks, he’s afraid that if he closes his eyes, all this will end and he’ll see that everything has been a fantasy made by himself. He’s afraid he won't wake up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Babe," Youngjae smiles because he has always been able to read him, "You know tomorrow I’ll still be here, right?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I know but ..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay," The boy takes a hand to his hair, is long now and he loves it. He looks cuter than ever. "I promise I’ll stay here, I’ll not go anywhere anymore."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright." But he still seems resilient to let him go, as if he wants to record every second of this in his memory because he doesn't think he'll really be there in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three minutes later, Jaebeom sighs and nods, he gets up from the bed and kisses his forehead. "Sleep tight, Jae."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"See you tomorrow, okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles and nods, "Love you too," he says without making any sound, but he knows his boyfriend can read his lips perfectly and waits for him to close his eyes to leave the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When leaving, Youngjae's parents are still there and, at seeing him leave smiling, they know that everything went well. Jaebeom leaves the door ajar for Mr. and Mrs. Choi to spend the night in the room with their son.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I have to go see Yejun, but I'll be back as soon as possible."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, it's best to spend the night with him," his future father-in-law tells him, patting his shoulder tenderly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Choi hugs him before moving on to the room, "Go with Yejun."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods and this time, when he leaves the hospital, he feels light.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Loser!" Youngjae screams laughing when he wins this Smash round again. Jaebeom growls, throwing his control on the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He really believed he would have a chance to beat him now that he was in bed and maybe his reflexes weren't as sharp as before, but after 5 missed rounds he realizes Youngjae's brain is working perfectly fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can’t believe this. You're not even supposed to be gaming, give me that already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs again, "You had a year to train and you still can't beat me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older boy sighs, “Obviously no. Do you think I could get to play when you were in bed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well yeah, you could take advantage of free time, right?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What free time? I didn't even have time to sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why? You weren't overexerting yourself at work, were you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Not much."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae looks at him suspiciously, Jaebeom knows he doesn't believe him but while he has told him about everything that has happened over the years that he can’t remember, he hasn’t said anything about Yejun yet, and can’t tell him that not having time is because he has a baby at home that needs his full attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Seriously, everything is fine. It took me a while to adjust after graduation and all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can we play again?" Youngjae smiles at him, letting go of the subject, trying to take the control.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, you humiliated me enough already."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles back at him, lying down on the bed next to him and hugging at his chest, "Sing something for me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae's arms wrap around his shoulders, settling comfortably with him over his chest and in a whisper, Youngjae sings, a tune he immediately recognizes from a song they'd written together years ago and he smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How he has missed this, just him and Youngjae together in silence, feeling the beat of his heartbeat in his ear that lulls him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung?" Youngjae says after a while in silence, and he lifts his face to look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uhm?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I was talking to my parents, about what happened."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom tensed for just a second, hoping Youngjae wouldn't notice, "And what did they say?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That I should talk to you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bites his lip in doubt, he hasn’t yet thought about how he’s going to tell him and he’s afraid to drop the bomb just like that. Even though Youngjae’s already stable and getting better every day, there’s still a little voice inside him telling him that if he says it, if he's not careful, Youngjae is going to fall sick again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And what do you want to talk about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why am I in the hospital?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You had surgery, it was..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know that, but what kind of surgery in the first place? Why did I need it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ah, that was for something... that you had... was it really fun actually, like an accident?" He mumbles nonsense babble with his brain working a thousand times an hour. Well now that he asks is as good a time as any to tell him the truth, but how do he tells him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Something like what, Jaebeom hyung?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You shouldn't worry about that, Youngjae." He says at the end, leaving a kiss on his forehead and getting out of bed, "Everything is fine now."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I just want to know."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, but it's nothing to worry about right now, you just have to get better and come home to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But -"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Saved by the bell, Jaebeom's phone rings and it’s his mother who’s now taking care of Yejun, if she’s calling something must have happened to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sorry Jae, I have to answer," And without waiting for an answer, he leaves the room leaving the door ajar with the intention of returning to his boyfriend's side immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello?" As soon as he hears his mother's voice, the expression on his face changes, to a worried one, his mother tells him that his son has a fever and he’s not getting better, "Now I'm going to pick him up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mother then asks about Youngjae to which he only replies, "I'll take care of it, everything's fine, Yejun needs me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he hangs up, Jaebeom rushes into the room, Youngjae stares at the door and frowns at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Baby, I have to go, it's something at work, I promise to come back later, okay?" He lies nervously, gathering his things in a hurry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have to work now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, forgive me, your parents won't be long in coming so everything is fine, I don't want to leave you alone but..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is it really urgent? Like an emergency with a song?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's not that Jae, but they need me, I have to go."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, it's the job." Youngjae sighed looking suddenly sad, looking away, "And what about the thing we were talking about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'll tell you what happened when I get back, okay? I promise." Youngjae nods, removing on the bed a little and turning his back to him, Jaebeom reaches out and kisses him on the forehead gently, "I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn't wait for an answer and walks the hospital hallways with quick steps, his mind so focused on his sick baby that he doesn't realize how disheartened Youngjae looked when he left.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few days later, the doctors allow Youngjae to have more visits and Jinyoung of course is the first in line, arrives with Mark just 5 minutes after the visiting hours begins and he’s carrying Yejun in his arms - that night Jaebeom spent the night at the hospital and his friends volunteered to take care of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom’s waiting for them in the hall, he asked them to send him a message when they were coming to get Yejun, of which Youngjae doesn't know anything about his existence yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Papa!" Yejun screams as soon as he sees him, making grabbing hands to go to his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom turns to the door that is still open with fear that Youngjae has heard it and almost runs to take the baby in his arms, “Junnie! You had fun?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung rolls his eyes with a smile on his face, Mark also smiles and leaves Yejun's diaper bag on the floor, he doesn't understand why it’s so heavy if it doesn't have a lot of things inside. "Of course we had a lot of fun, right Junnie?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The baby probably doesn’t understand what they are talking about but he smiles, he shouts something only he knows what it means and Jaebeom puts a finger on his mouth gently, as he rarely does, to silence him for a second. "Shh, shh, wait a little," he says softly and the baby copies him, lowering the volume of his voice considerably, although he keeps moving his mouth under Jaebeom's finger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We already had breakfast, he ate very well,” Jinyoung informs him, although he decides not to mention the orange carrot porridge mess his kitchen turned into and Mark's white shirt ruined.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You need to eat something."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods and hangs the diaper bag on his shoulder, “Go with him. I'll be back in a while."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung says goodbye to Yejun opening and closing his fists and making weird gestures and they both go into the room but Jaebeom stops Mark just before entering, taking him by the elbow. "Don't tell him anything about Yejun yet."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We know, relax."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom is about to answer but Jinyoung ignores him and they enter the room, closing the door behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Choi Youngjae!" Jinyoung greets the boy in bed, Youngjae stares at a point on the wall in front of him, frowning and Jinyoung can almost hear the gears on his mind working at a thousand per hour, but he stops whatever he’s thinking of and outlines a huge smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm so happy you're fine, Jae!" Jinyoung approaches and hugs him tightly before sitting on the mattress next to his legs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How do you feel?" Mark asks sitting in the chair next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Fine, tired most of the time but doctors say it's normal."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I missed you so much Jae. Live having only a depressed Jaebeom as a friend is boring.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs softly and shakes his head, "You have Jackson hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's too much sometimes," Jinyoung feigns chills, "You're perfect."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And Mark hyung?" he says pointing to the other boy and this one just shakes his head, disappointed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He loves you more, you just noticed it now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's more perfect than you," Jinyoung clarifies, looking at his boyfriend with an annoyed gesture, "But he doesn't count because we're more than friends."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark snorts and Youngjae rolls his eyes, he decides to start a conversation with Mark and he tells him that he has been very busy with something about his thesis, and since Youngjae doesn’t know he has been with that for almost 2 years, he’s the only one who doesn’t make fun of him for taking so long to write it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They also tell him about the time he and Jinyoung moved together and that Jinyoung finally went to Los Angeles last Christmas to meet his family in person and Youngjae is happy that they are already making everything official. Before, or at least as far as he remembers, Jinyoung swore that Mark's was nothing more than a booty call.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he asks about his other friends, they tell him that they vetoed them again from the hospital because Bambam came up with the brilliant idea of entering his room disguised as nurses and doctors, something he saw in an American show. Of course it didn't work, so he’ll probably see them in a couple of days when the nurses aren’t angry anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy laughs and answers everything they say, asks them questions about what has happened all that year and about things that he doesn’t remember but is absent, he has his mind elsewhere and Jinyoung is quick to notice, though he keeps talking like nothing and doesn't ask questions, maybe he feels a bit insecure talking about it with both of them so he intends to get Mark out to try and talk with him about what’s going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is there water here?" he asks interrupting some other story that Jaebeom told him and Youngjae has to verify that it really happened, capturing the attention of both.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think at the nurses station,” Youngjae responds, looking at the bottle on the nightstand, he has nothing left but a gulp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mark hyung, can you bring us more? And something to eat!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older is about to complain, he wants to stay with Youngjae but the look that Jinyoung throws at him opening his eyes and pointing the door with his head in a movement that he thinks is very discreet lets him know that he wants to talk to Youngjae alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, okay, I'm going to see what I can buy."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he leaves the room, Jinyoung looks at the other with narrowed eyes, trying to decipher what is in his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Spill it out already. What are you up to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Youngjae seems baffled, “Nothing? I don’t know what are you talking about."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What are you thinking so much about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae knows that it’s useless to hide something from Jinyoung, so he tells him what has been going around in his head in the recent days, "Hyung... is Jaebeom hyung dating someone?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You?" Jinyoung frowns, he already knows that he means someone else but he doesn't understand where Youngjae's insecurity comes from when Jaebeom has been obsessed with him since forever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae shrugs and turns his face to the other side without saying anything, the older sighs trying to understand him but he doesn’t like to see him like this for something that has no rhyme nor reason to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Youngjae, Jaebeom loves you. That hasn’t changed even bit and he’s not capable of cheating on you with anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles pitifully, “He can't cheat on me because I wasn't even conscious. I mean, I get it, I was nothing more than a shell. I can't blame him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't say that, to Jaebeom you always have..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I've heard him." Youngjae looks at him again and his voice shakes a little, "That nobody tell me anything about </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that he has to be by his side at night, that he has to explain what is happening... </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> seems to be someone very important to Jaebeom."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung opens his eyes as a plate upon hearing the confession, his mouth forms an imperfect ‘o’ at those words. He can't believe what he just heard and wants to laugh because it's ridiculous but he knows it's an important issue for Youngjae.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All this is because of Jaebeom, who keeps that stupid hope that Youngjae will remember everything for himself and doesn’t get the full courage to tell him everything. He’s his son, damn it, even if the memories come later on, he has to know what really put him in the hospital and doesn't deserve a vague answer on the matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't want to break into his life like that if he already has someone else, hyung. I don't want him to force himself to be with me. If he feels sorry for me or... ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey!" Jinyoung interrupts and approaches him, takes one of his hands and looks at him severely, “Don't think too much. Your little head is playing tricks on you, I swear Jae, it's nothing you’re thinking of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know it, right? What’s happening, what everyone hides from me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Listen, you have to talk to Jaebeom about this, okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm tired, hyung. When I ask, they just say ‘it was because you lost a lot of blood in a surgery’ and ‘talk to Jaebeom’. And I don't remember anything about needing surgery and Jaebeom doesn't tell me anything and he’s always mysterious and…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jae, I get you!" Jinyoung stops him, he would like to convince him that everything is fine but he knows that the only one who will be able to reassure him in the end, is Jaebeom, “I know it’s not fair but I’m not the person who has to explain this to you. But be sure that guy loves you like you don't have an idea. Do you know how many days he has come to the hospital?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae shakes his head, he still looks sad and confused and the older smiles, “Just over 300. He has come to see you daily, without missing a single day. The first weeks he literally lived here, because he couldn't stand being away from you. Youngjae, your boyfriend has been lamenting, blaming himself, being the saddest and most unhappy person in the universe, but when he came to see you he pretended to be happy, because he wanted you to see him being optimistic and strong. He was a mess. When you woke up, you gave him back a lot of things he lost.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Has he really come here every day?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"A flood could be falling or the city could be burning, he was here with no fail."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's an idiot." Youngjae mutters, but a small smile appears on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But he loves you." The older reassures him and Youngjae nods - he already knows, but that doesn't take away the fact that he's hiding something from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jinyoung is going to kill Jaebeom as soon as he sees him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey baby," Jaebeom greets happily upon entering Youngjae's room, brings with him a bouquet of yellow tulips, the employee said it means ‘There's sunshine in your smile’ in the language of flowers. There is no flower more suitable for Youngjae than that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I’m late today, we have worked on this song for centuries and we still can't finish the arrangements as we want. I brought you this, they always remind me of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae brings the flowers to his nose and then leaves them in his lap, looks at Jaebeom with a dismayed look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung, we need to talk."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy's look is so severe and intense that Jaebeom knows that this time he won't be able to distract him with some funny story, he has to be honest once and for all. It's been a week since he woke up and after everything Jinyoung told him, he can't keep hiding something so important.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn't want Youngjae to feel bad, thinking weird things about the ‘secret’, and although he doesn't want him to have any shock caused by the news, he knows that he has to tell him. He’s already stable and that shock is just an excuse because he can't find the words to tell him they have a child. How can he tell him that? Just like that, plain and simple, hey we have a baby, his name is Yejun? Or does he have to start telling him that he got pregnant?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs and sits beside him on the mattress. When Youngjae is discharged, the hospital will charge him the bed, because that particular spot is already sunk because of how much he has sat there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tell me, then." Youngjae tells him no more, because Jaebeom doesn't need to listen explicitly to what he means, he already knows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm going to... what happened is that because you needed to come, so we..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don’t go around it anymore, Jaebeom," The boy complains, grimacing, he doesn't want to turns into the matter anymore, "I'm tired of all this. I’m not going to die if someone tells me the truth and as it seems everyone thinks you are the one who has to tell me, say so. I'm tired of being the only one who doesn't know shit about anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry, baby." Jaebeom says feeling guilty suddenly. He knows that Youngjae will hate him when he knows what he has been hiding. "You're right, just let me think how to start, yeah?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae raises his eyebrows, waiting for whatever he’s going to say and Jaebeom sighs heavily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You and I..." </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Wow, this is difficult,’</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thinks, now he understands how hard it should be for Youngjae to tell him they were going to have a baby when he just discovered it. “When we started living together it was… crazy. I loved waking up next to you and having breakfast with you, and I loved seeing you all the time walking around the house in a shirt and boxers. I couldn't get away from you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae couldn't help smiling slightly, but rolls his eyes. "I already know that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I'm sorry. Actually it all started with spoiled seafood. Well, it wasn’t actually bad but we thought so, because you really got sick. You were throwing up every morning and I didn't know what to do but then the doctor told you it was normal.” He said using more or less the same words Youngjae used when he said he was pregnant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How could it be normal?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your body was preparing for a lot of changes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I still don't know what you're talking about."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The throwing up stopped a couple of weeks later,” He keeps talking, ignoring the other. Actually he’s not really aware that nothing he says makes sense to him now, “But then the cravings came and </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jae, you wanted to eat the weirdest things. You ate sausages with strawberry jam, once you wanted a Milky Way wrapped in bacon, that was disgusting. One day you told me you really wanted to lick the wall because it smelled good. When you went from that to jalapeno sandwiches and Oreo milkshakes I was relieved, I swear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae’s eyes are already teary, looking as if everything is finally sinking in, he bites his lip and Jaebeom puts his hand in his hair, gently stroking the strands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you got so, so pretty, Jae. Your eyes shone and your skin was softer than normal, all of you were dazzling, you were perfect. Although it was also difficult, of course. Everything hurt and you couldn’t get full nights of sleep and you were very tired because that little worm sucked everything he could. But it was worth it Jae, every day of those nine months were worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy isn’t an idiot, of course he gets everything he said, only it’s not what he expected. All this mystery, that Jaebeom has his interest in another person he had to see him every night, everything makes sense, even his new smell. And it never crossed his mind for a second, he thought of everything but that and now it's so obvious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he looks up, tears run down his cheeks, his heart feels weird and all his feelings are so mixed that he doesn't know what he feels, he stares at Jaebeom and his voice breaks off when he finally talk, "Hyung... we have… we have a baby?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles tenderly, and approaches to wrap his boyfriend in his arms. "We have a baby."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> "How is he? Is he..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He’s beautiful, Jae, he’s perfect."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae cries harder and clings to Jaebeom's shirt, which is already wet with all the tears, "Why didn't you tell me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Forgive me, baby. I was so afraid that the news would make you sick, I didn’t want to lose you again. We're young and I didn't know how you'd take it, I didn't want to hide it but I just didn't know how to tell you… I'm sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I... how could I forget it?" Youngjae lifts his face and looks at him in despair, "I’m a horrible person, what kind of father I am if I can't remember that I had a child?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae, this is not your fault." Jaebeom tells him sternly, he won't let him blame himself for something like that, he won't let him feel the same as he felt for a long time, “What kind of father you are, you say? You’re the kind of father who almost gives his life for his baby and who fought against himself to see him grow up. What happened wasn’t something we could control. Don’t think for even a second that you’re a bad person just for this. If you can’t remember I’ll remember everything for you, and even if your mind doesn’t, you heart remembers, I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyung… and now what will happen? I wouldn't... you already have your life done. The baby doesn't know me and what if it’s weird that I suddenly move into your house, I...” Youngjae says when he calmed down, Jaebeom gently wipes his tears with his thumbs and shakes his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Youngjae you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> part of our life, you always have been." He explains, speaking tenderly, “It's not that you're going to move in with us, that's already your home, you're just going back home. And Yejun of course knows you, what are you talking about? Do you think I'm so bad that I never brought him to see you? He knows very well who you are and he’ll be happy to have you with him again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, when you’re discharged you’re coming to </span>
  <em>
    <span>our</span>
  </em>
  <span> new house and you’ll see Yejun grow up. He’s so smart and funny, you’ll never get bored with him. You’re gonna love him very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I already love him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles and hugs him again, lets Youngjae keep using his shirt as a handkerchief until he relieves himself, hoping that the tears he sheds are of happiness and not of insecurity or regret.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyung?" The youngest asks still with his face buried in his boyfriend's shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uhm?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can I meet him?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't even have to ask that, baby. I’ll take him with me tomorrow morning, okay?” Jaebeom kisses his crown and continues to gently stroke his back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're good?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… nervous? I think. I don't know. What if he doesn't like me?” When Youngjae looks up into his eyes, Jaebeom can't help but melt. Like this, with teary eyes and a pout in the face, he looks more like Yejun than ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Silly, you’re his dad. Yejun loves you, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright." Youngjae finally smiles and kisses Jaebeom, "I bet you're the best dad in the world."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom laughs, “I didn’t want to disappoint you, you know? But you have to know the first weeks I was awful, the worst.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You would never disappoint me, Jaebeomie."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, me and Yejun. We both love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae hugs Jaebeom again and now that he can understand it, he loves this smell of powdered milk and baby wipes more than ever.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When his therapy ends, the nurse helps him go back to the room in the wheelchair, the doctor says that everything is fine and if he continues working as he’s now, he’ll walk again in a few months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as they enter, Youngjae can hear giggles and he smiles automatically, his heart skips a beat and he doesn't know if he's more excited or more nervous when he sees Jaebeom holding a baby's little hands as the little one jumps on the bed, or at least tries, his plump little legs move to the rhythm of imaginary music and he laughs and screams happily along with Jaebeom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The scene is moving, the way Jaebeom's eyes shine looking at that little meatball and his smile is the most beautiful one he has seen on his face ever and contrary to what he originally thought, that he would feel an invader in that little family, he feels so much a part of it that it’s as if he himself had been with them all along - he realizes there has always been room for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Jae." Jaebeom smiles at him, the baby is with his back to him so he can't see his face yet when his boyfriend picks him up and walks towards him, “Someone wants to meet you. Junnie, say hi to Daddy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If he had been standing, he surely would have taken a few steps back, he panics but the nurse notices his nervousness and pushes the chair a little, squeezes his shoulder gently before leaving the room, he follows her with his eyes and when he looks back at the other two, the baby has his eyes on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yejun looks at him and smiles and Youngjae's heart is spinning, expanding and there’s no room for more happiness, in some strange way he feels that this is not the first time they meet and he loves that baby so much that he never imagined that it was possible. And when he calls him, he says 'Dada', and he wants to squeeze him against his chest and never let go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom smiles softly and hands the baby to him carefully, the younger’s arms tremble as he reaches out to take his son for the very first time, the baby looks at him with a smile and small, pretty eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He touches Youngjae’s face with his chubby little hands and then he hangs it around his neck, muttering something he doesn't understand and he stays very still, he's not asleep but he seems very comfortable in his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae looks at Jaebeom with a pure happy expression on his face, "Wow." Is the only thing he can say, that makes him laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom nods, because yes, it’s amazing to have your baby in your arms and hug him, just seeing him is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears run down Youngjae's cheeks when Yejun moves away from him a little to speak, he doesn't understand half of what he says but he nods to everything and laughs when he laughs and can't stop looking at him, even his face hurts from smiling so much, the baby is perfect, even more than Jaebeom could put into words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaebeom sees them play, he doesn’t want to interrupt them but it seems amazing how they connect so quickly, it’s incredible how in less than a second Yejun adapts to Youngjae, it’s as if he really understood everything, as if he knew it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they’re beautiful together, their smiles are identical and he pulls out his phone to immortalize the moment, takes pictures of them non-stop, even when Youngjae asks him to and ignores Yejun when he wants to grab the phone, every second of this is going to be documented and nothing will be able to avoid it, the two loves of his life are fine and with him -  he can’t ask for anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a while, Yejun finally falls asleep and stays in Youngjae's arms, who is fascinated and definitely reluctant to let him go, Jaebeom helps him lie down without waking him up. They both watch him sleep in silence, Jaebeom reaches out to take his hand and Youngjae clings to him tightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He looks a lot like you," Youngjae says in a whisper, finally looking up at his boyfriend, smiling at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He looks much more like you, it’s your miniature, everyone says so."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae laughs, shaking his head, releasing Jaebeom's hand to carefully outline the features on his son's little face. "I really see you in him, do you think it's weird?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older boy kisses him briefly, "No, I see you in him too."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't you think he's the best thing we've ever done together?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, we wrote songs together and they’re not bad. We still got royalties from that pair we sold to those producers we met in college, remember?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae slaps his shoulder and rolls his eyes, "Really?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, they still pay," Says the oldest with pride and manages to dodge the fist that would be punching him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you really comparing our son to songs?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey! Those songs are good!” And he laughs when Youngjae snorts, obviously as much as he might love to those songs, none of them compares to their baby, nor even the feeling he causes, "Youngjae?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Youngjae smiles more if that’s even possible, and uses one hand to take his by the neck, drawing him to his face, “I love you too. So much." He says before kissing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Definitely nothing compares to having his little family finally complete.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I originally wanted to do something with JB &amp; YJ &amp; the baby on their daily lives but I don't know how lives with babies are hahaha so I thought that if I wanted to add more, I would last longer to end it and this is not a bad ending I think </p><p>Maybe one day I surprise you with a extra chapter or smt, but for now I didn't want to left this unfinished</p><p> </p><p>Thank you so much for reading! :))  Hope you liked it</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoy guys!! :))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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